


All is Won in Time

by heavymetalqueen26



Series: Space isn't what I was planning for vacation [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Aliens, Because she is a BAMF and can, Bilbo is sick of your dwarven shit, Dis will kick some ass, Don't Have to Know Canon, Dwarves don't understand the concept of personal space, F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Space!Dwarves, Suddenly OCs show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-16 07:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/859481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavymetalqueen26/pseuds/heavymetalqueen26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo Baggins was a writer who spent his time working at the local paper part-time, drinking with his best-friend and neighbor, and a lovely cup of tea. What he didn't like, EVER, was rude house guest. His mother's best-friend, Gandalf Gray, has brought just that, a rude space invading King, four annoying princes, six guards, one scribe, one spy master, and two nice, but over-baring advisers. Aliens, yes, that sounded lovely!</p><p>He wasn't going to survive living with them, he wasn't going to be able to win their trust to help them. He might kill them first. Or just fling Gandalf off a tall building, whichever was easier.</p><p>!ON HIATUS!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which guest arrive and nothing is achieved

**Author's Note:**

> I was seriously trying to write some updates, then Space!dwarves happened. I'll go back to my corner.  
> I was hit with the Thilbo, was trying to write Like nails on a chalkboard when it just wouldn't stray from this plot line and nothing was going like it was supposed to. (Moan, Bitch, Whine)  
> Yet again my ideas have ran away with my brain and now I am a slave to the plot bunnies.  
> | || |  
> (0.0) ”I smell a victim.”

Sunday mornings were the best mornings in Bilbo Baggins' opinion. Sundays were always a calm lazy day in his suburb, the paper was delivered early and the tea always fresh. His closest neighbor and good friend, Dis was away shopping, leaving him to write in piece.

Sunday was his free writing day, he was off from his part-time job at the local paper as an accountant. Thus leaving Sunday open for a lazy day of sitting in his favorite chair with his laptop, enjoying a cup of tea while he wrote stories to keep his editor from breathing down his neck. Any day of the week he wasn't working was time for him to write, but Sundays were his favorite. He would feel the most inspiration, just letting his mind wander down the path of creativity.

He and his neighbor Dis shared a cul-de-sac at the top of the hill of their street, it wasn't so much a cul-de-sac as it was a wide driveway set up in a horseshoe. Their houses were the same, large three story houses with a screened in front porch. Dis's house was a pretty pale green and blue with white accents; Bilbo's was a dark blue house with green accents. Like him; Dis had inherited her house and was fighting to keep said house out of her family's greedy claws. The two of them had little to do with the outside world, Dis was a designer; selling her jewelry online while working part time. The two of them met a few days after Dis moved in, after Dis came to his aid when a nasty cousin showed up trying to steal his family home from under him. He now ran defense for Dis when her awful sisters came to try to do the same.

So he was busy trying to figure out whether or not he should open the door; it could be his family or it could be some innocent soul. The doorbell range throughout his house just as loud as before while he hid around the corner. Biting his lip, he made up his mind. Pretending like he just heard the bell, he opened up the door with a smile and ruffled hair, his robe hanging off his left shoulder slightly. He nearly fell to his knees in thanks, it was Gandalf.

Gandalf had been an old friend of his mother. The two worked together, doing what was never said, and had been present his whole childhood. His mother and Gandalf would leave for weeks at a time and come back full of stories for his father and him. The two had inspired him to be a writer in the first place. Gandalf was a tall man, lanky with a surprising amount of hidden strength. His old blue eyes shined with warmth at seeing the shorter man. His silver scarf covering some of the long gray beard, pulled back hair hidden by a gray fedora.

Smiling softly behind his beard Gandalf greeted the smaller man before him, “My dear Bilbo, always a pleasure, may we come in?”

Just as Bilbo prepared to give them entry he caught sight of the man traveling with Gandalf, if he could call the creature that. The man looked human at first glance, only the man's eyes, hair, teeth, and nails shattered the illusion. The mans eyes were black where they should be white, creating a halo of black around icy blue eyes with a dark hole in the middle. The iris looked more like glass than the muscle of an eye. The man's hair wasn't soft like humans' or animals' hair was, it was curse and thick, like strands of peppered metal. The man's serrated teeth were bared in a snarl, the fangs a sickening color of dark yellow with a tint of red along the edges. The man had obviously eaten meat lately. The nails of the man were a dark blood color as well, thick, but not long and flat bits of dirt under them. Shivering Bilbo took a small step back when the black and blue eyes fell upon him.

Gandalf took Bilbo's retreat as a confirmation for entry, the man pressed forward with a smile. Sending a small hand signal, that the creature took as fallow, he moved past Bilbo to take off a heavy, thick, wool black coat. He turned just as the door was slammed in his partner's face. Blinking he watched as Bilbo locked the three locks on the door with fever while pressing a dainty back to the door. He flinched back as he realized that his guest had been hit by the door and was now swearing up a storm in pained rage.

Bilbo's eyes widened as he felt the door shake when the creature slammed against it in rage, the force sending him a few inches forward. Pressing his back more firmly against the door he shot the older man a look along the lines of are-you-insane as the door shook again.

“What were you thinking?” Bilbo hissed as he heard the growling on the other side, the man-creature trying to break down the door and kill them all.

“I was thinking about trying to help a few friends,” Gandalf sighed and rolled his eyes when the green door was body slammed again. He called out loudly with a voice of authority, “That is enough of that Master Oakenshield.”

Moving forward Gandalf peeled Bilbo off the door as the smaller man struggled and question his friend's sanity. Pushing Bilbo behind him, Gandalf opened the door quickly with nimble fingers, just as the last lock clicked the door was shoved open. The man-creature barreling through with accusing eyes and barks of rage. Snorting at the man's anger, Gandalf waved the man off before turning back to the trembling Bilbo Baggins.

“My dear Bilbo, I would like you to meet a friend of mine, Thorin Durin Oakenshield.”

“Your friend,” Bilbo squeaked as the creature tried to peer at him from around Gandalf. He watched a the two began to bark in a harsh sounding tongue at the other. The creature suddenly calm and resting on the balls of its heels, Gandalf patted him on the shoulder before making his way to the kitchen. Before the man left the room he called out to the older man while nervously staring down the creature in his house, “Gandalf, where are you going?”

“To fetch some tea and those cookies you always make, why don't you introduce yourself to Master Oakenshield.”

“Gandalf don't leave me with him!”

The older man clearly ignoring his cry of hysteria and went on to find something to eat and drink. Swallowing Bilbo took in the man-creature before him, Thorin wore a thick coat made from fur and cloth he couldn't name, belts and leather adorning the coat with its fur collar and inside. His coat a dark royal blue, matching the leather and metal shoes that were of a rectangular design, the pieces of metal acting as armor on the toe, the heel and on the calf. The pants were a deep black, thick with bits of metal hanging off what Bilbo thought was a belt, some shaped like cubes, others like skulls. The deep blue of the shirt that poked out from the neck of the jacket was a high color almost laying flat, but a piece of white showed from around it. There were silver looking beads and cubes of metal in the man's hair and short beard, clasping braids together.

Swallowing Bilbo offered a small smile, “He-Hello.”

“Hello,” Thorin grunted back, watching Bilbo with cold eyes. He took in Bilbo's ruffled appearance, bare feet slightly covered by long tan slacks, with a white button up shirt. Most of which were covered up by a patched robe of deep greens and tans.

“May I take your coat Master Oakensheild?”

Thorin's eyes went wide before the man-creature stomped forward, Bilbo backing up at a rapid pace til he hit the hallway's table. The dark wood table shaking hitting the wall with force, the glass bowl containing his keys giving a small jingle as a candle holder fell onto it. Trying to find purchase, Bilbo put both hands on the table as Thorin stormed at him.

Trembling Bilbo kept eye contact with the larger man as Thorin encroached in his space, eyes darkening as the irises thinned. His copper curls bouncing as he was jostled by the larger man, Thorin plastering across his front. Biting back a whimper as breath rotten with meat fanned over his face, Bilbo scrunched up his nose when Thorin's larger crocked nose brushed against his. Suddenly Throin stepped back, with a deep breath the man straightened his coat before nodding and heading off after Gandalf.

Placing a hand over his pounding heart, Bilbo made note to never ask that simple question to anyone ever again. The deep timbre of a voice range back at him from a few feet away, turning with a questioning gaze Bilbo tensed up when he saw Thorin standing there. The man looked gravely serious before straightening and open his mouth, the rumble sent a shiver down Bilbo's spine, “I accept.” The man leaving in a flurry of leather and fur.

With that being said, Bilbo shakily took the other rout to the kitchen. Gandalf had a lot of explaining to do. He found the older man sitting at the table, Thorin standing in the other doorway looking out with a deep frown. A ringed hand rested on the dark wood, matching the deep browns of the kitchen cabinets and table. The tiles were a pleasant light blue, as were most of the cutlery and china. Gandalf's gray form a strange contrast to the rest of the bright and warm kitchen.

Looking up the old man offered Bilbo a kind smile, “My dear Bilbo,” Thorin jumped spinning to catch sight of him, “come sit down we have somethings to discus.”

“Yes we do,” Bilbo grumbled pulling out one of the many simple chairs with a light blue cushion.

Gandalf took a sip of his tea before signaling to Thorin, the man grunting and taking a seat next to Bilbo. Raising an eyebrow in question, he began to speak, “As I'm sure you have noticed, Master Oakenshield isn't human. He is from a far off planet, Erebor, the only living planet in its Galaxy, dubbed the lonely mountain by its people. They are humanoid in appearance, but they are more akin to metal and bears in biology. They are stronger than humans and live longer too, their bones are made of metal and their skin of the toughest leather. They need our help.”

“How can we possibly help them?” Bilbo blinked taking in everything slowly, the information overriding his brain. It made sense, in a way, that the man- Ereboren, would be an alien. These creatures could quite possibly take over the world with just their bare hands, what could soft humans do for them?

“We won't be fighting for them if that's what your thinking, for as strong and smart as Ereborens are, they have rather poor communication skills with other beings. They are a very secretive race, this has lead to many wars with other species that populate our universe. One race in particular, the Drakes, have a special grudge against the Ereborens, their Prince, Sm-”

“The worm,” Thorin growled with fury, standing out and flipping over the chair he sat in. The man reaching at his side for a weapon, a thick and broad sward of similar design to his boots, as if the beast was there. While Bilbo watched with wide eyes, Ganalf chose to ignore Thorin's outburst.

“Smaug Northfire has taken over the Ereborens planet out of spite after the Ereborens had destroyed a few colonies and a moon of theirs. What the Ereborens need is someone, or something, that will act as a peacekeeper between the two and help them negotiate a peace treaty.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Bilbo cringed, he was more than a little afraid to ask. Gandalf just turned to him with that stupid grandfatherly smile.

Taking another sip of his tea Gandalf casually smiled before speaking with certainty, “The Ereborens need to find someone whom they trust to represent them. This is nearly impossible, for they hate most if not all outsiders. So they need to spend time with an outsider who won't take sides when push comes to shove and will remain fair in the heat of the debate of the peace treaty. My dear Bilbo, they are going to live with you until you gain their full trust, so that you may act as peacekeeper.”

“ **They** are?”

“Yes, they, other than Master Oakenshield there are thirteen other Ereborens just waiting outside. They came with Master Oakenshield because he is their king and they must offer him their protection when he is off world, his family has come with as well, and his royal adviser. They are a bit of a rowdy bunch, but they are quite pleasant once you get to know them.”

Dis, who had just got home from grocery shopping, was busy examining a strange mini-van parked outside of her best-friend's house. Arms laden with bags, she kicked closed her white car's doors and narrowed her eyes when two small boys waved at her. Nodding she slowly moved to her back door, putting the key in the lock she nearly dropped the eggs when an earth shattering scream, that sounded suspiciously like her Bilbo, echoed through the neighborhood.

“THEY ARE WHAT!?”


	2. In which help arrives, or at lest tries too, and bribes are made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda know what I want to happen, but I have no idea where I am going with this story. Thanks for reading!

“Gandalf, I'm sorry, but they can't live here,” Bilbo pleaded, he didn't like people that much, Dis was more than he could handle. There was no way that he was going to be able to live with 15 other people, ALIENS, in his house. Especially if they were anything like the one trying to smell his hair, and the “King” who's hands seemed to like playing with said hair. He got it, his hair wasn't hard and metallic, but that didn't give the Ereboren the right to keep touching him. Scooting over again, only to be fallowed by the persistent creature. “You said they didn't like outsiders, what makes you think I would be any different?”

“From the way how Master Oakenshield is acting, I think you'll be fine.” Gandalf chuckled as he watched the King try to braid the smaller man's hair, the curls causing Thorin to curse and growl. “But if you really feel uncomfortable about it, have this.”

Bilbo watched as Gandalf slid a leather journal over the table, its red leather warn and faded with time, and the little string keeping it closed was replaced with a shoe string. One of his father's if he remembered correctly, the shoe string from his mother's hiking boots. Cradling the warn journal between his hands, he opened it with a soft touch. The pages slightly yellow from time, but the ink that his father had used stayed dark and clear, his mother's voice echoing in his head as he read a few lines of his father's neat handwriting.

Smiling wistfully, Gandalf explained in his old grandfatherly voice. “Your mother would travel with me since she was young and discovered a few beings from another world in my care. She wasn't interested in fighting space crime, not like I was when I was her age, she cared more about the beings of other worlds and their culture. Those stories she and I used to tell you and your father, they weren't stories, Bilbo.”

“In that journal is everything your mother knows about Erebor and its people, if you run into any problems though feel free to call me, but I recommend reading the book first.” Gandalf nodded, as he watched Bilbo read the little book with wide eyes, glancing from him to the journal in intervals. Chuckling he slinked out of his chair silently, watching as the king's hands settled around the smaller man's shoulders, Bilbo not paying attention to anything but the little journal cradled in soft hands.

By the time that Bilbo looked up to argue with the man, after reading a line in the book.

_Don't ever force a Dwarf out of your home, it is the most impolite way to treat the race from Erebor. They are very hospitable to each other and allow friends and family to stay in their homes for long periods of time, until the guest(s) decide it is time to go._

The neat scrawling of his father's read. Opening his mouth to ask Gandalf if the old man could get the guest to leave he was met with an empty chair. Pushing Thorin's hands off him he ran after the older man, the Ereboren giving a grunt of anger at his escape. His bare feet slapping on the tile floor until he was met with the most fearsome sight of his life.

An Ereboren, the size of a brick house stood in his door way, the large man was taller than even Thorin, and the king towered over him by a full head. The man was balding, tattoos of dark ink in square patterns littered the man's skull, dark eyes watched him, little halo of gray barely standing out against the dark black. Dark brown hair and beard hanging loosely from the side of the man's face and head. Like Thorin, the big bear man wore furs, only the man wore a short sleeved jacket. And something that looked akin to knuckle dusters and leather straps everywhere, the man's dark forest green clothes a stark contrast against the mans boots and pants. The small streak of silvery-blue in the man's beard contrasted against everything. The mans boots made of more of the rectangular design that Thorin's had, and wore thick metal pads on his knees. The dark ear cuffs of silver very distracting.

Gulping Bilbo took a small step back when the large man moved forward, unlike Thorin, the man's weapons were for everyone to see, the large hammer and axes hanging off the mans back. The axes shining with obvious love and care. There were others standing behind the large man, but he was a bit busy trying to back away from the bear-man.

Squeaking as he ran right into the solid body of Thorin, he gripped the arm holding him to the man's chest with shaky hands as the large beast moved forward. The two growling and snarling over his head as he was chest to chest with the large man-creature. He squeazed his eyes shut and waited for the larger man to bite him or rip off a limb, he was met with a light bonk on his brow. Blinking up at the larger man, the man's head tilted as he was looked at with kind eyes.

“H-he-hello.” Bilbo stuttered out, the big man cracking a small smile before him.

“Vem,” The deep voice grunted back. It was like listening to a thunderstorm.

Bilbo nodded before trying to wiggle out of the steel band that was Thorin's arm, Gandalf hadn't been joking when talking about the strength of the Ereborens. Thorin had released him with a grunt of disappointment. He only was able to quickly glance over the 13 other guests, like Thorin and the bear man, they wore fur, metal, and a thick cloth; before the door leading to his garage was burst open in a might thump.

Dis stood in the door way, her normally pulled back hair wild from running from her kitchen to her neighbor’s side garage door. Her dark blue eyes hard with fear and anger; her dark jeans, white designer tank-top and light blue shawl wrinkled. Her deep feminine voice hard with anger, “Bilbo!”

“Yes?” Bilbo flinched back from his best friend, Dis was a good friend, she was kind, loved to socialize, and had little problem smacking someone silly. She had won bar fights like a it was going out of style. She was nice to him, but anyone who showed up in his home uninvited, not so much.

“Are you hurt,” Dis questioned putting her hands on the smaller man's shoulders, “because I heard you scream.”

“I'm fine, Gandalf just came to visit,” Bilbo mumbled, hoping that Dis didn't freak out and hit someone, “He brought a few friends.”

“Friends?” Dis asked with narrowed eyes as she swept over the 15 other people in her best friend's house. “Are they... Human?”

“No.”

Dis hulled up her best friend dragging the smaller man to the kitchen at a fast pace. Thorin and the bear-man chasing after them with a battle cry. Dis didn't wast anytime, going for her favorite weapon when it came to home defense, a large wok. Holding Bilbo's hand she stood between the small man and the two creature's invading her friends house. The larger one, snarled and held a pair of very threatening axes, the other one, growled out a command while holding out one hand, the large sword in the other.

“Nope,” Dis hissed back pulling Bilbo farther behind her. She loved her best friend with all her heart, the smaller man having a good eye for reading people and had saved her lots of heartache. Bilbo had been there for her when her house was almost taken from her by her greedy sisters, who were left out of their father's Will for a reason. Bilbo had fought tooth and nail for her, she vowed to do the same.

Thorin snarled out the same sentence again, the large Ereboren stepping forward menacingly. Bilbo stuttered out to his best friend as he pulled on her hand, “Dis stop.”

“No.”

“Dis!”

“No.” Dis growled out unmoving as the large man approached.

“Oh for the love of,” Bilbo groaned, wrenching his hand Dis's. He stood solidly between the approaching bear-man and his best friend, facing Dis he put up his arms in a surrendering manor. With a strong voice he spoke with conviction, “If you put down the wok and just let me explain, I will bake you your favorite cookies for a year, without question.”

Stilling Dis contemplated her friends request. Huffing she slammed the wok down on the dark wooden table, flopping elegantly into one of the chairs she frowned at her friend, “If we live I demand a fresh batch every other day; no ifs, ands, or buts about it.”

“Deal.” Bilbo sighed, sending a small side glance to the two men, the group of Ereborens behind them watching with wonder. Deciding to ignore them in favor of his friend Bilbo went to his cabinets. Pulling out the tea to the side of the exhaust for his stove, he began to explain. “So their home was taken from them by a Drake, another race of aliens-”

“They want you to fight for them?” Dis scoffed as she watched her friend huff while trying to pull down the bag of lose leaf tea.

“No, they need me to negotiate for them, or so Gandalf said. They need an outsider that they can trust to help them draw up a peace treaty. So for them to trust me, the royal family will be living with me for,” Bilbo trailed off as he pored water into his teapot, setting the kettle on the burner he thought about what happened a few minutes before. He actually had no idea how long the group would be staying with him, “For as long as it takes, I guess.”

“We could bury them in the backyard.”

“Dis!”

“What, no one would suspect kindly Mr. Baggins to kill 15 aliens and bury them in his backyard under his garden.”

“Don't even joke about that!” Thorin growled at the woman before him, his hands slapping the wood angrily. His teeth bared he gave the woman one last look before returning back to the shorter man before him, “So you will help up.”

It wasn't a question, even if it was phrased like one. No, Thorin made it very obvious that there would be no going back, not now. Bilbo played with the knot of his robe, nervous about all the expecting eyes on him he nodded. “I guess so, I can't kick you out now can I?”

Thorin nodded while Dis watched him with narrowed eyes. The king turned to the great bear man beside him, “Dwalin, get the others settled in, I will watch Dear Bilbo.”

Dwalin nodded before sending Dis one last look, turning he began to herd the others to the living room. The group stomped around as they explored their new home. His thunderous laugh, that could easily be mistaken for a growl, echoed through the house as two young boys, barely looking the age of six and four ran over to Bilbo.

The two looked similar to Thorin, with icy blue haloed eyes and crooked nose. The oldest one with golden hair, ran ahead of his brother. His eyes wide with wonder as he looked over the soft man before him, “S'mallow!”

The young boys happy cry was echoed by the younger of the two with onyx hair, wearing the same as his brother, a dark blue coat with little fur, thick shorts that rested over large furred boots. The two latched onto the man before them, both of them repeating the phrase with giggles, “S'mallow, s'mallow.”

“I am not a marshmallow,” Bilbo pouted, his cousin Frodo had said the same thing. Was he really that fat- no he was soft, not fat. “I'm Bilbo Baggins.”

“Boggins!”

Dis laughed at the small children, the same ones who waved at her from the mini-van. Clutching her side she continued to laugh at her friend's huffing, she decided that the children would be alright. She would keep a close eye on the older ones though, especially that Dwalin. The man-creature could crush Bilbo's skull with one hand. Watching Thorin with completing eyes, she let the man sweep through the room, picking up the small children with a grumble, though the man's face did soften.

 

She and Bilbo watched as the man leaned against Bilbo for a second or three, before leaving with the two squealing children under arm. Resting her cheek in her hand she waited a few seconds to speak, “he has a nice ass.”

“Dis.”

“You know he does, and if you weren't so busy staring into his eyes you would have looked at it too.”

“I was not!”

“Oh, you so were.” Dis made kissy faces at her friend, laughing as Bilbo's face heated up like the teapot, that was now squealing, “Not that I blame you, he could melt ice with that gaze. I'm sure that he could send a few family members of yours running for the hills. You should keep him, you know, like a guard dog.”

“Dis, I am not keeping a pet Ereboren.”

“Nope, your keeping 15 til I beat some sense into that old man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dis, easily bribed with cookies. Dwarves invade personal space a lot. Will add more soon.


	3. This was not a dream, even if you wish it was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, my internet was down for a bit, so I couldn't post this when it was actually done, like three days ago! Luckily I still have me phone.  
> And this story has taken over my life! Will be a lot of one shots for this series, a lot. Everyone, well maybe, will be in this series at one point or another.

  Bilbo was more than happy to bid Dis a good night, he waved her off at 11. The two decided it was time to go to bed, maybe he would wake up tomorrow and see it was all just a dream. A very odd dream.

 

He loved Dis with all his heart, he had always wished at a young age for siblings. He ended up getting his wish in a way he never expected. Dis was like an older sister to him, or maybe a twin, someone who would look after him, no matter what, and he would do the same. Dis had once driven from her cousins house, on the other side of the country, just to see him after she received a call about him going to the hospital. For stomach cramps of all things, it was a good thing too, he was nearly crippled with his stomach pain. He had gailstones, Dis had teased him for weeks over it.

 

Shaking his head at the memory he made his way through his living room, the chairs and couches a deep earthy green, the floor a light cream, and the dark fireplace blazing. His furniture being poked by two curious Ereborens. Both had dark black hair, the wilder looking one had steel gray eyes, making the man look as if he had just black pieces of felt on his face. The other had warm brown eyes, wide with curiosity and wonder. The two were stabbing at the most used green chair of Bag End with the blunt end of a mattock.

 

“Excuse me!” Bilbo cried as one of them, the wilder looking one pulled out a knife. The sharp end pulling out some stitches.

 

The two reared up in surprise, the two holding their weapons in a defensive position. The wilder looking one held a long looking pike, something one would see in the painting of old sticking out of a boar, in the hand that was once hidden. His dark black hair, with its aging streaks of silver and white from age, wild with a few braids running through it. The man's clothes were mostly leather and a woven cloth of some sort. Unlike Thorin, there was no decorative metals on the man, his only bits of metal being the armored cuffs along the man's arm, a copper looking metal. The boots were a thick leather, obviously well worn by the looks of the sole of the brown boots. The man's belt full of bleached bones was a contrast to the dark earthy colors of the man's clothes.

 

Bilbo took a staggered step back as the wild man suddenly bolted forward. The “dwarf”, or so his mother's stories liked to call the race, was face to face with him. The man's breath washing over his face in controlled waves, the man's piece of rusted metal –an ex piece connected to the splintered handle-- buried deep in the man's skull bumped along his forehead. The dwarf pulled back with a whiny hiss, hands dropping the spear in favor of clutching the scarred tissue.

 

“Oh Dear!” Bilbo cried as he feel to his knees before the dwarf, his hand pulling back the wild man's with a sure grip. Many times had he looked over family member, mostly from his mother's side, who had dealt with ghost pains and the like. “Hold still,” Bilbo began to massage around the wound, one of his many cousins had a similar problem. The obscured piece of pipe that had been embedded into his cousin's skull couldn't be removed or the young woman would die after her horrific construction accident. The whining slowly stopping as he continued to use his fingers, the dwarf's brow relaxing.

 

Pulling back he offered the man a smile, the dwarf's wild eyes wide, with a small bit of recognition. The man grunted and growled out a few words before he folded in half, the man's hands staying beside Bilbo's knees. Ignoring the stuttering man, he offered out a hand palm turned upwards.

 

With uncertain movements Bilbo offered his hand the dwarf cradling it between larger rough hands, the wild man began to nose at his knuckles, the bony bridge rubbing strangely against his softer skin. After releasing his hand, the dwarf shot forward again the man embracing him firmly between the steely bands. The rough clothe made a scratchy sound as the dwarf nuzzled under his chin.

 

The other dwarf watched laughing, the dwarf had a silly dark red hat on, covering ears and pushing out the silly braids. Like the other dwarf he had dark hair, mostly wearing brown, but he had no leather on except his boots. He only had on thick cloth, woven in intricate patterns and designs. The little bits of fur poking out from the top of his boots was a mass of gray, black, and whites. His warm eyes alight with mirth, and lips pulled back in a smile. Calling out a few words to the other, his response was a nasty growl, to which he just laughed harder at.

 

“Excuse me?” Bilbo repeated pulling his head back slightly, the wild dwarf nuzzling forward even more.

 

“Oh, Bifur just really likes ya',” The dwarf with the braided pigtails laughed. “Come off 'im, our King won't be too pleased if he's bruised.”

 

Bifur pulled back with a growl at the other dwarf before gently knocking foreheads with Bilbo, just as Dwalin did earlier, but it was maneuvered more to the side to avoid the rusted ax. Standing back he picked up his spear, gave a small bow, and shoved the other dwarf forward. The other dwarf heaved a sigh at his grumbling and growls.

 

“Dear Bilbo, me' names Bofur, this sour dwarf is my cousin.” Bofur smiled proudly before strapping the mattock to his back. Bowing slightly to the still kneeling man, he bonked heads with the man a little harder than anyone else had. Stepping back with warm eyes, he glanced between Bifur and Bilbo, translating the growling dwarf speech with flawless accuracy. “My cousin wishes to thank ya', we probably wouldn't have had a chance to regain our home otherwise. He also requests to be your head guard while the pan wielding warrior is away, if that is alright Dear Bilbo.”

 

“Uh, that's fine, thank you very much Bifur,” Bilbo mumbled back at the dwarf, the wild man puffed up, slapped a fist over the leather shielded chest and bowed. Turning back to Bofur he asked the smiling man a question, “Why do you all keep calling me Dear Bilbo?”

 

“Is that not your title?” Bifur growled some words back at his cousin, obviously asking the same question.

 

“Dear is a term of endearment or to greet someone in a letter or email. A title would be like with King Thorin or Head Guard of Bilbo Baggins Bifur.” The dwarf nearly burst with pride.

 

Bofur's amusement and joy left with a flash of anger, “And why does the wizard all ya' Dear?”

 

“Oh, Gandalf? I've known him before I could even walk, he was probably there when my mother gave birth to me. He's more like a grandfather or an uncle than a friend.” Bilbo shrugged, his robe was feeling heavier than his eyelids. Pushing past the two as politely as possible in his drowsy state, he dusted off his pants and made his way to the stairs. “Good night gentlemen, please try not to destroy my furniture.”

 

“This is furniture!” Bofur's confused voice rang through the house.

 

Bilbo just hummed in an affirmative and continued to pad his way up the stairs to the third floor, his footsteps light as he made his way down the single hallway, past the many rooms. The guest rooms were on the first and second floor, there was even a room in the basement encase the whole family came over, which did happen. The top floor was for the master bedroom, his old bedroom, and his father's library and office. He opened up his bedroom door --the master bedroom that once belonged to his parents-- that he didn't remember closing. Shrugging off the thought, he tossed his robe on the floor, pulled back the covers and crawled right in. He barely took note of how warm the bed already was when he drifted off into slumber.

 

* * *

 

He woke up warm and content. The solid weight laying on him a pleasant heat, unlike the heat of a summer night, it was more like cuddling in the winter. So warm one didn't want to get out of bed and start their day, just wanting to lay there and cuddle into the arm he laid his head on. Slowly he reprocessed the thought, and thought over it again. He didn't, shouldn't, have anyone else in his bed.

 

Hie eyes shot open as his heart rate and breathing picked up in speed. The warm body that was draped over him was in his bed, with him. Releasing a shaky breath he looked over the arm he laid on, it was sleeved in a deep rich blue, the large hand tan with thick blunt fingers, and the nails a deep dark blood, almost black, color.

 

A dwarf was in his bed, cuddling with him.

 

Trying to wiggle out from under the Ereboren was rewarded with a deep angry, but sleepy, growl and the other arm pulling him into the solid chest. The grumbling was deep, a rumbling that sounded like an earthquake, like the earth itself was speaking to him. He didn't understand the words, but he very much understood what the message was, stay still. Squeezing his eyes shut he did just that, he probably would have given his “guest” a black eye if they were human, but it was an alien who's strength way surpassed his own.

 

The trembling of his hands and chest were answered with a deep rumble. The arm around his waist tightening before the beard scraped over the back of his neck and ear. The deep sound of rocks grinding against rocks was echoed through the silent room, “Safe, Dear Bilbo Baggins, safe.”

 

Thorin rumbled from behind him, the thick skinned lips brushing over his sensitive ears almost like soft sandpaper. He didn't have to wait long before the body behind him went still again, at first he had thought that the dwarf king had stopped breathing, until he remembered that Thorin wasn't human, again. Figuring it was something like hibernation, he carefully slipped out from under the thick arm.

 

Looking down at Thorin Bilbo supposed that one could forget the the man wasn't human. He kept thinking that the Ereborens were humans from some far off island country, not from the other side of the universe. Looking at the sleeping king one would think that as well, if it wasn't for the man's dark nails and hair that shined like metal in the soft light of the morning.

 

Shaking away the thoughts of how much softer and human the king looked in the morning, especially about how the nine o'clock shadow around the man's jaw and upper lip were very appealing. He made his way down the two flights of stairs, it was like a winding staircase, but more rectangular, it was how his father had designed the home. Passing the second floor he wondered what he was going to make for breakfast, as he stepped over the passed out Bofur, Bifur giving him a nod when he passed, he decided on pancakes. Nothing said welcome to my home planet like pancakes.

 

The sight he was met with wasn't what he had in mind. A... large dwarf was waddling around his kitchen, the cupboards open and pans sprawled everywhere. The dwarf was anything but lean, and had dark orange-red hair, braided in odd buns, and beard braided like a jump-rope. His clothes were more of a tanned green and brown than Bofur's, he waddled around in leather boots shaped more like dress shoes. Looking closer, Bilbo realized that the large dwarf had the same nose, bushy eyebrows, and kind brown eyes that Bofur had. The two must have been brothers or cousins.

 

“Good morning?” Bilbo looked over his poor kitchen, his mother was probably raising from the grave to give him a “strong” talking to and his father was doing 360's in his grave. His pots and pans were everywhere and all the drawers and cupboard ravaged.

 

The dwarf nearly shot into the air in fright, the kindly looking man turned around with childlike wide eyes. Slowly he stammered out, “Oh, Dear Bilbo! G-good morning.”

 

“Yes, uh... Can I help you with something?”

 

“I uh...” The dwarf fiddled with his knitted olive green gloves. Softly the dwarf whispered, “I was hoping to make a bit of breakfast for everyone- If that's alright with you, Dear Bilbo!”

 

“Of course it is! I came down to do the same,” Bilbo smiled, the sweet dwarf reminding him of his younger cousin before the lad was married to a brash Brandybuck. “Why don't you help me, and please don't call me Dear, it's not a title like you all seem to think. Just call me Bilbo, I suppose you will be living with me as my guest after all.”

 

“Of course Bilbo,” The dwarf mumbled shyly, a man of few words apparently, “I'm Bombur, one of the royal guards, though I do act as the company's cook as well.”

 

“Oh really?”

 

Bombur puffed up like Bifur, his voice a little steadier, “Yes, I studied for years until I was picked to be one of the royal guards, my wife and I met when we were studying together.”

 

Bilbo happily talked with the kind dwarf as he instructed Bombur how to make pancakes, the two swapping recipes and stories as the little blobs of dough turned to a golden perfection over time. The two discussing diets and favorite foods, Dwalin and the others arrived to stacks and stacks of buttery golden goodness. A chattering Bilbo and Bombur beside it, and sipping on sugary coffee and Bilbo explaining just how dangerous a wok can be as Thorin crossed into the doorway with a dark scowl.

 

The dwarf king grumbled out a few things, only to be elbowed in the ribs by Dwalin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Bilbo is something that the dwarves would call Bilbo because of limited interaction with humans and would think it to be some sort of title or a formal designation; like Sir, Ma'am, Mr., or Miss. Only they were calling him their sweet basically. 
> 
> Sorry I didn't post this yesterday, I was called into work and my internet shut down, AGAIN! D:


	4. In which it is breakfast and there are pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was trying to update The Little Lamb and the Fox, pfft, wasn't going to happen til this chapter was finished. God, Alien/Space!Dwarves are running (Ruining) my life!

The table was going to be very crowded. Bilbo considered himself lucky when he remembered that his table could be extended, and that Bombur had accidentally found the extra pieces when pillaging his kitchen. They had to get some of the extra chairs in the basement, two dwarves had gone down for them.

Bilbo had chased after the two, the one with fiery red hair talking very loud and animatedly to the other silver haired dwarf. The louder one had on dark brown leather, almost black, with a warm brown under it. The dark bits of silver and black metal around the man's hands and upper arm, the man's boots a heavy thick leather. The fiery red hair slicked back by practice and the beard ornamented with silver beads and complicated braids that melded with the free falling hair. The thick leather belt decorated with a large buckle and metal sideways V's, a shorter ax strapped to the man's side, the larger one standing out proudly against the man's back. Both have warm blue eyes, like the paintings of lakes from the 1800s. Their smiles wide and pleasant.

The other nodded, his mouth in a bow of happiness pretending to listen to the other. A horn of some sort was hanging at his side. Like the redhead he is wearing a dark brown vest, but it is without sleeves and looked akin to something out of a Shakespeare’s play. His hair is slicked back like his partner, but his beard is braided like elephant tusks, the braids following the mass of hair along the edges like a curly W. He is less armored than the red head, this sleeves a vibrant gray with its circular woven patterns, and his hands encased in dark gray knitted gloves. His boots making much less sound than his friend, a softer sole and less shiny leather.

The two had obviously explored the house last night, as they headed right for the basement door, hidden in the hallway that lead to the laundry room and bathroom. Bilbo watched them with a nervous squirm as he paced after the two, “Be careful, the stairs are very steep.”

“What was that?” The silver haired one turned around, his bushy brows scrunched together with confusion. “Ya' have to speak louder than that lad.”

“I said the stairs are steep!”

“What?”

“He's saying that the stairs ar-” The red head was cut off by a sudden fall down said steep stairs. Pushing past the silver haired one the two carefully made their way down to the groaning dwarf. They found him at the bottom of the stairs, in a pile of splintered wood that was once one of Bilbo's father's handmade desks. “I'm alright...”

“Of course you're alright, groaning like an elf over such a small fall.” The silver one huffed and kicked the downed dwarf.

Bilbo watched with thinned lips, small fall indeed. It had been a whole storey and a half that the dwarf had bounced down and landed on a solid wooden desk, that had a stain from when one of his uncles got a concussion on after falling down said flight of stairs. Returning to the present, trying not to remember the smell of the E.R., he watched as the redhead was hulled to his feet by the other. The two talking low and patting at each other, he flinched when the two slammed their foreheads together audibly. The two pulled back with a laugh, their eyes turning to him expecting.

“Oh!” Bilbo squeaked, the two didn't know where the chairs were, “They're over here.”

“Thank you lad,” The silver haired one pushed past, walking round the divider with ease, even with the limited light. Bilbo shivered when he caught sight of the colored reflection of the two's eyes. It reminded him of a cat, a wolf would be a better comparison, with their eyes shining in the dark like predators. Shaking the thought away with a shiver he fallowed the two through the bad lighting. The two made their way through the maze of dividers with ease, the basement divided up for storage of holiday decorations and for food. “Names Oin, Dear Bilbo.”

“Gloin,” The red head grunted as he lifted two chairs, “We're going to have to make a few more trips than planned.”

“I can help,” Bilbo smiled at the two, “And Dear isn't a title like you think it is, just call me Bilbo.”

“Right Bilo” Oin nodded.

“It's BILBO brother.” Gloin rolled his eyes, this was a recurring practice. Just the way how his voice came out as a thunderous boom was a testament to that. “And we can handle this Bilbo, no need for someone of your status to do such work.”

Puffing up at being belittled in his own home, he wasn't that short! Bilbo stomped over as best as he could barefooted and aggressively hulled a chair to his chest. “No need to worry Mr. Gloin.”

“I wasn't- What does Mister even mean?” Gloin's brows frowned in a mixture of annoyance and confusion. Fallowing after the smaller male with a deep frown, he hovered behind Bilbo as if he expected the man to fall over suddenly.

“It's a formal title- like a form of respect or something,” Bilbo shrugged as he made his way to the steps. It had never really been explained to him, he didn't think it had ever been explained to anyone. It was just something that people had always done, it was formal and polite. He didn't know why it just was.

Gloin whistled and Oin made a face, the older one speaking sternly, “Bilbo, it is us who should be giving you a respectful title, not the other way around.”

“Nonsense, you are guests in my home... Friends if you will. Now be careful going up, these stairs are still steep, we don't want any injuries,” Bilbo called down over his shoulder at the two. He remembered Oin's words about falls, “Or broken furniture!”

They returned to find Bombur actively protecting the pancakes from the others, mostly the two small boys, Thorin was glaring harshly at the dwarf. The whole group went silent as he padded through with the chair in his arms, Bifur snarled something before Gloin grunted something back. He made an active step to the right, moving himself between Bifur and Gloin, he didn't need the two tearing up his house. Bifur backed down with a menacing growl and Gloin huffing behind him. 

Luckily the chairs were set down with no conflict, he had enough plates and silverware for their breakfast, he didn't have enough food for lunch though. When he was making the pancakes with Bombur he discovered his desecrated pantry, everything that was edible was gone. He supposed that he would have to go shopping, after they set up some ground rules for what would happen while he wasn't there.

The seating arrangement was quite simple, or it would have been until Thorin dragged him up to the head of the table, away from Bombur, Bofur, and Bifur. He was placed at Thorin's right, wedged firmly between Dwalin and Thorin, the king barking out a few harsh orders at the two blonds on his left. Thorin and him at the head of the table, the two young boys were between the two blonds at Thorins left, Gloin and Oin farther down. Bifur sat to Oin's left, Bofur and Bombur at Bifur's left, the other dwarves sat beside the brothers. One was younger than the others, a carrot top dwarf with a shy persona, a star headed dwarf beside the one that was talking to the old dwarf sitting to Dwalin's right. The circle then lead back to him, he fumbled with his coffee cup as everyone watched him expectantly. After a few moments he realized that his guest were waiting for him to start.

That didn't seem right, Thorin was a KING, he was just going to help them. With thinned lips he reached for one of the stacks that Bombur had made, the kindly dwarf looking at him in a mix of awe and pride. It had been the first batch that Bombur had made by himself, he moved the top pancake off with ease, the golden disk flopping onto his plate with no problems. Thorin then reached for the same pile, the king's face scrunched up with confusion at the morning food. The others following suit after.

Bombur shyly tried to make conversation with their host, he opened his mouth to call to Bilbo when Thorin leveled him with a nasty glare. The king moving so that Bilbo's left shoulder was digging into the king's collarbone. He averted his gaze and continued to eat. The others continuing on ignoring the exchange, the table's occupants loud and lively.

Bilbo had watched the exchange with a curious face, had he offended someone or broken some rule about classes? He was about to call over to the shy dwarf when he felt Thorin's head rest against his. At first he expected the harsh scrape of metal on skin, but like with the king's beard it was soft, not hair soft, more like the perfect thread count of a blanket soft. He shivered at the sensation, his ears had always been sensitive, his trysts from when he was young and foolish had heavily demonstrated that. The king's cheeks, and its nine o'clock shadow, pressed against his temple, he felt the scrape and pull on his hair when he tipped his head back to sip at his coffee and tea concoction. He had nearly dropped his fork in surprise when the king's lips brushed over his ear.

Pulling back slightly and leaning closer to Dwalin, the large Ereboren inhaling through a second stack of pancakes. Thorin just followed him though, the dwarf sending Bombur a scathing glare. The king was acting like a teenage trying to stake claim on another with physical affection. Looking around the table he began to notice just how close the Ereborens were, they sat thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder. Some of them casually eating with arms around each other. It would have been uncomfortable tight for any normal HUMAN being, but for Ereborens, who violated the unspoken laws of personal space, it was very nice.

Glancing at Thorin from the corner of his eye, he notice how stiff the king looked, upset even. Everything about the king screamed unhappiness, was the dwarf upset that he was pulling away? After a few moments of contemplation he shifted back to lean slightly against the large man. The back of his head pillowed by the dwarf's heavily armored and furred shoulder, his shoulder poking into the king's coat. 

Thorin stiffened before the king nearly draped over the smaller man's back. His face buried into the curls on his right for a split second before he went back to eating the golden disk before him. The plates were a multiple of colors, ranging from pristine white to molten red, from a mellow yellow to a bright green. Each member getting their own colored plate, never the same color. He released a calmed sigh from his nose before he turned back to the blond on his left. His was a royal blue, Bilbo's was a soft green.

Bilbo just continued to eat, the pancakes disappearing into the messy dwarves mouths. His table was going to be thoroughly cleaned before he went shopping. He mussed into his cup that it would probably be easier to keep the table at its current size, his company would probably be upset if it got any bigger.

As for the shopping, he was going to need a lot of meat. From what he had discussed with Bombur, dwarves, as the Ereborens liked to call themselves, eat a diet of heavy protein. Bombur had laughed and slapped him on the back when he shyly asked if it was alright to call them such. The larger dwarf had explained that they were once carnivorous primate bears that then evolved with a higher brain function because they spent less energy processing the little plant life on their planet and more time resting. They didn't care what kind of meat, but Gandalf had taken them to a fast food restaurant and given them burgers, so the dwarves were partial to beef, but they hadn't tried anything else. So he was going to get all the meat he could carry, some fruits and veggies for himself, and some more flour and cinnamon for Bombur.

With shopping decided he realized that he was going to have to expose his guests to the town eventually. Looking over the group again he decided he was going to pick up a lot of cheap sunglasses from the gas station. He was going to have to come up with an excuse, maybe his cousins who were miners? That would explain the sunglasses to hide their definitely-not-human eyes. Why were they living with him? There were plenty of small mining companies going under, his “cousins” wouldn't be any different. He was going to have to request off of work for a long time, until his “cousins” were well again, it was a tremendous lose and they had nowhere else to go. That would work, Bilbo nodded with convection.

He knew that he was going to have to take out a few at a time, there was probably some hierarchy that he was going to have to follow. Thorin would probably go with him first, Dwalin would probably come with too judging by the way how the large dwarf followed the king around. Maybe he could bring Bifur or Bofur along, Bombur would love to go as well. Or should he bring the two small boys, people would warm up to the kids much faster than anyone of his guests. He would bring the boys with him, they would help balance out Dwalin's and Thorin's intimidating presence. Til it was time to lay down some ground rules he decided to watch his guest toss around the leftover with morbid fascination as Thorin cuddled into his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internet has been junked up so it updates for everything will be hecka slow. Sorry. This will be my last update for a few days til the problems are fixed. I will try to write a lot so there will be a big amount of updates to make up for it. Thank you for your patience!


	5. In which there are children and thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More introductions from the space!Dwarves.

Bilbo didn't know how he made it out of Thorin's hold but he did, dwarves were impossible to escape apparently. Especially with how the king was plastered to his back and side, he had nearly swatted the dwarf on the nose for giving Bombur such a mean glare.

Before Bilbo could open up his mouth a dwarf spoke for him in the deep rumble of the Ereborens language. The dwarf was an older gentleman with a deep receding hairline and a white beard splitting in two. Like Dwalin, the dwarf had gray eyes, but they were lighter and much kinder than the hardened warrior's. His clothes a deep red, layered in extravagant designs and squared patterns, his boots like Oin's was lighter, not thick for combat. The dwarf held him self like a grandfather and a politician in one, his smile was kind under his beard when he turned back to Bilbo.

“Sorry about him laddie,” The dwarf gave a small bow, “I am Balin son of Fundin, Royal Adviser to King Thorin the Second. It is a pleasure to finally be able to speak with you Master Bilbo Baggins.”

Flustered, Bilbo gave a stumbled bow back while sitting, “The pleasure is all mine Master Balin, please call me Bilbo.”

“As you wish laddie,” Balin smiled, “Now do tell me, what is this glorious concoction that I was drinking?”

Bilbo happily launched himself into a pleasant conversation with Balin, the two sitting down in the chairs leaning against the table. Thorin was at his back, face stony as the dwarf rested his chin on the soft curls of their host. Bombur was being helped by Gloin, the two cleaning up the dishes with cheerful chatter revolving around their wives. Bombur would glance over every once in a while, only to shift shyly away when he met Thorin's eyes, he wasn't used to seeing the king apologetic. Thorin was still stern, but had lost the viciousness in his gaze, Balin chuckled as Bombur ducked his head shyly in thanks.

Their conversations were interrupted by two squealing children. The two boys from before, ran screaming into the kitchen, Bilb watched with a twist of his brows. The two ran around to everyone in the area before climbing on to his lap. The two heavy and forcing the air from his chest as the curled up giggling into his chest. The were fallowed by two distressed blonds, both panting and running around wildly until Thorin gave a harsh bark. The two paled before giving a small bow to Thorin and him, the two raced out of the room as the boys began to laugh harshly.

Balin wasted no time giving two a gentle scolding while Thorin glared the boys down, Bilbo cut the two off as soon as the two boys began to cry. He shushed the two as he rocked them back and forth, their hands clenched in his button up shirt and their hair tickling his nose. All three squeaked when Thorin wrapped them in a strong embrace, Bilbo relaxed when the king began to rumble soothingly to the children. The two slowly calmed down, their blue eyes peaking up at Bilbo behind messy hair.

The two looked almost like twins, with the same shaped eyes and noses, the dark haired child looked like a slightly younger version of the blond child. Both had on boots, made of soft leather and fur, but their clothes were slightly different. The brunet favored more earthy tones and leather, while the blond had one rich blues and metal. Both looking like little versions of medieval warriors, they even carried around little toy swords and a bow.

The dark haired child made an up motion at Bilbo's face, “Boggins!”

Bilbo didn't know whether to swoon at the child's squeal or to roll his eyes at his name being mispronounced. “Baggins, little one, Bagg-ins.”

“Boggins!”

“No, Kili,” Thorin rumbled sternly, “Durin.”

Kili's eyes widened before he squealed with the blond, the two whispering before burying their faces into Bilbo's button up shirt. Balin cutting the two off with a stern voice, “Fili, Kili, that is not how young princes should act.”

Bilbo watched as the two groaned, the blond one spoke with a high childish voice, “I am Fili the Third Prince of Erebor, and this is Kili, the Youngest, and dimmest,” Fili was cut off by Kili's cry of protest, “Prince of Erebor. It is a pleasure to met you.”

“Pleasure to meet you as well, Prince Fili and Prince Kili, please call me Bilbo.” Bilbo smiled at the two, they were heavy but not overly so. The snuggled into him like some of his younger cousins, it was very cute, almost enough to make him see past the dark eyes, pointed fangs, and black claws of the two children before him.

“Not Prince Fili,” Kili huffed at Bilbo, “he Fee.”

God, Bilbo nearly cooed at the stern look the youngest prince had. The boy looked like a miniature Thorin with soft chubby, childish cheeks.

“And he Kee,” Fili nodded back determinedly. Bilbo knew that there was no way that the Shire would have been able to handle the two little bundles of mischief, not with the boys' big puppy eyes. He was going to have problems fighting off curious neighbors with food.

Bilbo's lips thinned as he remembered the predicament of needing to go shopping. Turning back to Balin, the older dwarf was watching them with a kind smile and twinkling eyes, “I need to leave the house for a bit.”

Thorin stiffened beside him, the burly arms of the dwarf tightening as the king let out a harsh rumble. Bilbo spoke hurriedly, “I need to pick up somethings- needed things! Like food- I wasn't prepared for all 14 of you showing up at my house. I need to go shopping, or else we won't have anything for lunch, let alone dinner. It will only take a bit, and it would be good for some of the folks around here to meet some of you- they might be a bit much, but they really are good folk.” Turning shyly to Thorin, “I was hoping that Dwalin, Fili, Kili, and you would come with me?”

Thorin paused, his dark eyes glaring down at the smaller man. Suddenly he bolted forward, his hand cupping the right side of Bilbo's face, burying his face into the man's curls he let out a pleased rumble, “Very well.”

“Thank you, but before we go I just want you all to know I expect my home to be here when we get back.” Bilbo grumbled. “I don't want to return home to find that everything has been destroyed.”

Balin chuckled, “Don't you worry laddie, I'll keep them in line while you both are gone, Mahal help us if Frerin decides to try his hand at leadership.” Thorin snorted in agreement before calling to Dwalin, the large dwarf returning to the king's side. With minimal effort on the boys' and Thorin's part everyone but Dwalin was in the car.

“No.” Dwalin sneered at the metal contraption before him.

“Mr. Dwalin, please! It is just a car.”

“It's a metal beast is what it is.”

“No, it is a form of transportation to get us to one place to the other, you must have something similar to them.”

“Thankfully not.”

Thorin huffed, “Dwalin, get in the Caar.”

The guard growled before wrenching open the back door and shoving Fili aside. It was a tight squeeze for everyone, Bilbo had never felt his car so full, it was mostly only Dis and him who used the car to go out drinking, never had there been this many people in the car at one time. Feeling claustrophobic, Bilbo started the car, only to flinch when the car backfired slightly. Dwalin jumped before sending a vicious glare at the young princes, the two boys howling with laughter at the warrior's fear. Thorin shut the two up with a quick glare, but the boys continued to make little noises that set Dwalin even more on edge, the large Ereboren scowling at him from the backseat.

Sighing Bilbo pulled out of his driveway and made his way to the nearest gas station for some sunglasses. Pulling into the farthest spot and then spending ten minutes convincing Thorin that he didn't need help or protection, he sprinted to the doors and made his way over to the spar selection. There weren't many kids sun glasses, but he knew that Fili and Kili would lose their's a lot, if not every hour. Picking up a few pairs, two green, two blue, three red, and a purple pair for the two boys, his favorite color growing up was pink, he wouldn't blame the boys at all if they liked purple. He picked out more than 12 for the dwarves, not really knowing their taste. He chose a dark royal blue with black accents for Thorin, and reflective dark green for Dwalin. The rest were mostly mixed and matched assortment.

Getting in line, arms ladened with sunglasses he was never going to wear he let his mind wander as everyone seemed to be paying with a check. He sighed as he caught sight of Fili and Kili waving at him excitedly from the window of his rusty red wagon. He didn't know how he was supposed to handle aliens. He didn't even know why he agreed to helping them.

Grumbling he remembered that Gandalf didn't leave him much of a choice, the old man had basically shoved the group into his house. He shook his head, it wouldn't have bothered him so much if his cousins had dropped by and done the same, so why did it bother him that it was Throin and co? Maybe it could be because they weren't human, a little voice whispered in his head as he inched forward. Biting his lip he thought about it, it wasn't so much that they weren't human as it was that the Ereborens were stronger than him, were near indestructible, and he didn't know how to act around the group. They could fall from great heights, set their hands on a burner with no fear of getting burned, and could bend the strongest metal with just their hands. It was no wonder that he was uncomfortable with the group. 

Then there was Thorin's need to be constantly touching him, the dwarf was basically glued to his side. But, the more he thought about it the more he realized that all the dwarves liked to touch each other, Fili and Kili were attached at the hip. Bofur and Bombur were always brushing against their brother, even Bifur would lean against his cousins a lot. They would pat at each other and shoulder the closest friend with no fear.

Smiling at the cashier, who raised an eyebrow at his purchase, he swiped his card and took the man up on the offer for a bag. Turning around, and nearly running into Thorin at the door, the dwarf panting and pulling him into a deep embrace before allowing them to make their way to the car. Thinking, as Thorin's hand solidly grounded his thoughts to the present, maybe it was just Thorin's way of welcoming him into the group. 

Shooing the other man to the passenger’s side of the car, he was greeted by Fili and Kili squealing about how worried Thorin got when he didn't come back fast enough. Thorin just blushed and grunted, “You took to long, thought something happened.”

Dwalin snorted in the backseat, “You could see 'em the whole time.”

Thorin just blushed darker and turned away dramatically. Giggling, Bilbo handed the king a pair of sunglasses before explaining what they were for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't want to be written. NOT. AT. ALL. >:I  
> Thanks to everyone who has commented, Kudoed, Bookmarked, Subscribed, and Read this story. You are all fantastical beings who I love and wish to marry.


	6. It isn't that exciting as Thorin thought it would be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now I am having a contest, please see notes at the end of chapter for details- ANYONE can enter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are just way too kind.  
> ;////; I just, wow, you all are too awesome to me.  
> I wasn't planning on making this chapter so early, but you guys were just so nice that I wrote it a head of schedule.

Bilbo bit his lip as he watched Fili run around chasing after Kili, the two boys happily exploring the market with rapt interest. Just as he figured, Fili was running round with the purple sunglasses and Kili with the green; Bell was cooing at the two as he explained the situation to his long time friend. Dwalin wearing the reflector sunglasses chasing the screaming two around, Thorin plastered to his side as always. He should really find time to read his parents' journal on Ereborens because he wasn't sure if this was normal or not.

“Oh, the poor dears! That must have been awful, well if you need any help you just let me know,” Bell swooned with sympathy, her family had lost their home to a fire, it was how she met Hamfast. “Now don't you worry, we'll be more than happy to help out, I can have my love bring you over a few things if you'd like.”

“That sounds lovely, Bell! Are you sure Hobson won't mind?” Bilbo was ecstatic about the help, this meant he would have to expose his aliens as little as possible. 

“Oh pish, he'll probably help my Hamfast bring it over.” She waved off Bilbo's concern with her hand, “No you get your shopping done, I'll convince Hobson if I need to.”

“Bye now, thank you again,” Bilbo smiled after his friend before turning to Thorin, “That is Bell Goodchild, an old friend of mine.”

Thorin grunted, his brows drawn together in anger and his lips thin. Resting his cheek on Bilbo's curls, he wrapped an arm around the smaller man's shoulders, “Can we trust her?”

“Of course we can,” Bilbo huffed looking up at the taller man wearing the blue sunglasses he got, “She's been my friend for years, the only person who would be loyaler would be her fiance, Hamfast Gamgee. If anyone would help us, it would be those two.”

Watching as Thorin grunted and pulled away to go get Fili and Kili; as the two had escaped Dwalin's eyes when the warrior toke a quick breather, he huffed and got a trolly. It was one of the lucky few that worked right, no broken wheels or desire to turn randomly. Scooping up one of the squealing children as Dwalin herded them past. He had swooped up the shrill Kili, the boys giggling and hiding in his shoulder.

Kili whined when he was pulled away and set into the wheeled basket, his feet being pulled through two large openings on a shelf. Looking around his face slowly transformed into a look of wonder, was strange from such a height. “Fee, Fee!”

Fili ran to his brother as the brunet cried out, “Look Fee, high!” He watched with just as much wonder as he was lifted into the cart as well, standing in the basket he looked around with the same expression as his brother. The two whispering and awing at their new view. Bilbo just chuckled and moved to where he needed to go.

His pace was subdued, knowing that Thorin and Dwalin were looking around as much as the two young ones in the trolly. After telling Fili to sit he moved on, filling the basket with everything he might need; boxed instant foods, canned vegetables and fruits, frozen foods, and frozen meats. He would put the fresher --delicate-- items on his list of things to be delivered.

There wasn't another soul in the store but them, Bilbo was happy that they had to go shopping on a Monday morning, no one goes grocery shopping on a Monday morning. It was perfect, the dwarves could get a small taste of earth life without being bombarded by nosy people. He really didn't want to know how Dwalin and Thorin would react to less than polite behavior from his neighbors, judging from how they reacted to Dis probably bad, very bad.

Making a mental list he made his way over to the produce section with Thorin and Dwalin behind him. He was hoping for Hamfast to be there, if not than maybe Hobson, he would prefer to see his old friend though. As he passed a stack of tomatoes, sure enough he caught sight of the blond with shaggy hair and kind bright green eyes. The shorter man turned slightly, arms ladened with boxes of fruits.

“Bilbo!” Hamfast gave a happy cry, the younger man's face alight with joy. Thorin gave a deep growl behind Bilbo.

“Hamfast!” Bilbo moved a little faster to the man, Hamfast dropping the boxes on the floor gently. “So good to see you my friend! How have you been?”

“I've been lovely, da's store is doing great and the farm is nearly paid back. I'm at the top of my game!” The blond grinned, patting the slightly shorter man before him. His clothes dirty from the truck of fresh produce; his jeans stained with dirt and mud, his green polo turned a rusted black and brown from hard work. “How have you been, how's that book of yours coming along?”

“Still not even halfway, my editor is going to grill me alive,” Bilbo mumbled, “And I have some house guests.”

“Guests?”

“Hello!” Kili waved at Hamfast with a grin, his brother nodding and returning back to stacking the boxes in the cart into a fort.

“Why hello there- Oh my!” Hamfast jumped back from Dwalin as the man released a dark growl. Pulling Bilbo back with him he puffed out his chest to try to look frightening, “Can I help you?”

Thorin released a growl of his own, eyes behind his glasses focusing on the hand clamped around Bilbo's upper arm. “Let dear Bilbo go.”

Both Hamfast and Bilbo shook at the order, a shiver of fear cold finder up their spines. Fili and Kili ducking and hiding from Thorin's rage, Bilbo huffed at the situation through his fear, “Thorin stop that, you're scaring the boys.”

Thorin pulled back as if burnt before unclenching his hands, looking away he put up a hand to silence Dwalin. He jumped before giving a pleased rumble when he felt Bilbo's hand wrap around his forearm, the warmth sinking through his layers. Embracing the smaller man he glared at the grocer over the top of Bilbo's curly head.

Bilbo swatted at Thorin's arms when he could no longer stand the lack of oxygen, pulling back he offered the man a small smile, “Sorry about that Hamfast, they aren't very used to strangers. They come from a far off place called Erebor, they're just a little protective over their small ones. This is Thorin Oakenshield,” Moving his arms to gesture over to Dwalin, “and this is Dwalin. Fili and Kili are the young ones.”

“Hello,” Hamfast thinned his lips, watching Thorin suspiciously, “Wait, are these the ones Dis was telling me about?”

“What- No,” Bilbo pished before catching sight of Hamfast scowl, sighing he asked, “What did she say?”

“That if I see them I should call the police and drag you away.”

“Lets not-”

“And if I see Gandalf I should smack him with a shovel for her.”

“That sounds like Dis,” Bilbo groaned into his right hand.

“Some days I wonder how her and my Bell get along so well.” Hamfast shrugged.

“I think its because Bell has a fangirl crush on the one who protected her as a child,” Bilbo elaborated while rolling his eyes. Dis had met Bell a long time ago, the two were friends as kids before Dis moved away, but the two stayed in contact. Dis had been a fighter even as a child, she wasn't the bully of the school, but she was the child with the meanest punch.

“Maybe,” Hamfast trailed off, his eyes still narrowed and watching the two men behind Bilbo. “Now my Bell said that you would be needing me to deliver some food to your house?”

“Ah, yes, as I said I have house guest, 15-”

“15!”

“Yes, so I need a lot more food than I normally need, but my car cant hold it all and it might not be well for them to meet everyone around here yet.”

“Too true,” Hamfast nodded, “I can drop some stuff off at your house when I bring in fresh products from the farm, this way it isn't too far out of my way and it will save us both some money.”

Bilbo nodded, discussing with Hamfast everything he needed while Thorin and Dwalin glowered and whispered behind his back. Ignoring the two, he went on talking to Hamfast and getting the boys to warm up to the blond. He had to scamper off when Hamfast teased him about some of his food going bad if he didn't return home soon, waving he made his way back to the front of the store, Dwalin and Thorin at his heels, Fili and Kili squealing in the trolly begging to go faster.

In a moment of childish joy, he kicked off the ground and hopped on to the back of the trolly, him and the boys swiftly rolling down the isles. Dwalin and Thorin releasing a shout and chasing after the laughing three, the trolly picking up speed the more Bilbo kicked off. Laughing he skidded to a stop before the check out, Bell raising an eyebrow at his red face split with a grin and the two boys laughing and squealing in the cart. Dwalin and Thorin thundering after him, the two pouting and glaring at the three runaways.

“I see you've been having a fun time,” Bell teased, her curly untamed bronze hair pulled back in a messy bun. Bell was a dress girl, the complete opposite of Dis, today was no different in her red and white picnic table checkered knee length dress with dark brown cowgirl boots. She innocently batted her hazel eyes at Bilbo's playful scowl.

“My trolly ran away from me.”

“Of course it did, and you just hitched a ride.” Bell watched with a grin as Thorin nearly tackled Bilbo, the bigger man engulfing the softer man. She nearly cooed at the face that Thorin was making at Bilbo. “I'll just start ringing your purchase up.”

“Don't you dare, Bell, I mean it!”

“Do what?”

“You have that look!”

“One time it happened, one time.”

Bilbo huffed and hid his face way from the woman in Thorin's thick sleeves. The man's grumbling a distraction from his past experience with Bell's “look”. The dwarf offering silent comfort before barking in surprise at the price when Bell was done ringing up the food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened, humm? If anyone one who comes up with what happened and who gets a one shot just for them. It will be a part of my Space isn't what I was planning for Vacation verse, from whatever point of view the winner wants, whatever pairing, (Sorry Dwalin/Ori fans, but that isn't going to happen in this verse but I can give you a Papa!Dwalin and his baby!Ri brothers), characters and the like. Winner decides, I write it. You don't have to be a user on ArchiveOfOurOwn to make an entry, EVERYONE can enter my little contest. Thank you.
> 
> Also, I have been putting off introducing Dis's canon husband because of name reasons. So I'm going to have a vote on it. Whichever one gets the most votes will be the name that I will use (see below for choices).  
> Gunner: 3  
> Vili: 0  
> Or,  
> Voter's Choice: 1
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I await your votes and contest entries!
> 
> EDIT: Everyone can vote/enter as much as they like til the vote and contest are over.


	7. In which things still don't really happen, but Nori does

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hint for the contest:   
> A band of gold I give to you,  
> Everlasting; tried and true.  
> In my mind's eye it is you I see,  
> You will never be rid of me.
> 
> (GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who participated in the contest, thank you very much! I will be dedicating either a piece of fanart to you all and/or a one shot. Just because you guys have been super awesome and super supportive! I guess you could think of it as the runner up prize if you aren't one of the winners.

He was more than happy to hand off the chore of getting the groceries into the house when they arrived home. Watching as Dwalin staggered out of the car muttering about metal beasts, Bilbo turned to run right into Bifur's growling arms. The dwarf patting him down and grumbling while he stood there blinking in confusion at how Thorin didn't seem to care when it was Bifur, but threw a fit when it was Hamfast. Huffing he let the dwarf lead him into his own living area, the couches and chairs were all pushed around in a way that they weren't when he left. His father's chair over by the stairs, his mother's chair and the loveseat were framing the fireplace, and his couch was only a few inches from the center of the room with his coffee table. The usually pristine hardwood floors had multiple scuffs and spills, the only good thing being that his rugs were untouched, but a few of his nicknacks were missing.

He didn't have time to dwell on the thought as he was nearly thrown onto his cough. Sputtering in a mix of fear and shock, the softness of the fluff and springs keeping him from being injured by the much stronger beings. Before he could get up he was met with a snarling Bifur, the dwarf swaddling him in blankets and odd furs. Pacifying the dwarf with a smile and a nod in thanks, he sighed and leaned back. Sure it was nice to sit for a bit but there were still things he needed to get done, such as calling his boss and letting the woman know that he wouldn't be able to come in for the foreseeable future. Reading his parents' journal was another one, or getting started on the cookies he promised Dis. He couldn't do anything with Bifur staring him down and making him sit.

Resting his cheek on the arm of the couch, he let his thought wander, he could do everything he needed in a bit. Til then he let his hands play with the one of the furs covering him. Just like with Thorin's hair, they were softer than one would think, especially with its coarse woolen appearance. It didn't catch like wire, it was like petting a woven tapestry. One could feel the different strands, but at the same time they melted together so it was impossible to tell the difference between individual strands.

Shaking the thoughts away with a frown, he blindly reach across the the coffee table, he needed something to do other than just sitting. His fingers passing over little bits of things; the candy bowl, stacks of magazines, his notes for his stories, one of his best selling books, and not what he was looking for. Bilbo sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes wandering over the solid dark wooden table with apprehension. 

“No, no.” He chanted in a whisper. Flinging himself off the couch, despite Bifur's growling, he began to pull at shelves and drawers. “No, where is is, where could it be?”

“Lad, what's wrong?” Balin came up behind Bilbo, resting a hand on the younger man's shoulder. “Bifur said you were troubled.”

“I,” Bilbo stuttered out a few syllables before taking a calming breath on Balin's and Bifur's instructions. “I can't find something of great importance to me. A golden puzzle box, it's a family heirloom.”

“Brother.” Balin called his voice loud and echoing through the house.

“What?” Dwalin roared back in his thundering voice.

“Have you seen a golden puzzle box?”

Dwalin didn't answer, he just stormed into the living room with a bucket of cookie dough ice cream and a silver spoon. Spending a few seconds looking over the room before bellowing a harsh bark, he was answered from one of the chairs by the fireplace. He turned towards the growl, viciously shoving the spoon in time with his growled speech. He received a hand waving at him from Bilbo's mother's chair.

“Nori.” Balin spoke disappointingly. 

The was an exaggerated huff before two heads popped out from behind the loveseat, one was silver and the other was an orange, their faces were set in apologetic frowns. The silver haired one Bilbo noticed was the one talking with Balin at breakfast, like Balin he was dressed in fine red woven cloth. Not much armor or leather on him, but his braids more than made up for it. The wove through his hair in intricate patterns; crisscrossing, joining, and separating around his head. Soft honey brown eyes turned to the chair next to him. He hissed out a few thing to the occupant of the chair before another red head appeared.

His hair was pulled back and puffed up into a star formation with his beard. Bilbo blinked and took in the dwarf's braided eyebrows. Hopping over the chair with ease, he walked over with cat like grace with his hands shoved in his pockets. Everything about him screamed danger with his dark clothes and leathers, as did the many knives and “tools” on his belt. His boots were light, not the heavy clunky metal ones that Dwalin wore, but stronger than Balin's. His heavy vest and gloves a dark brown with leather trimming, both swept forward as he bowed.

“Sorry about that, it was broken.” The dwarf shrugged and fished a golden puzzle box from his vest pocket, “I was going to have Bofur fix it up.”

“I'm sure you were,” Dwalin growled out suspiciously, “Lad you need to tell people BEFORE you take there things.”

“Brother,” Balin scolded before turning back to Nori, “Nori, you may be Spymaster, but that doesn't excuse such rude behavior.”

“No,” Bilbo waved off the scolding before it could happen, “It's fine, really! And thank you, Master Nori, for giving it back.”

“I wasn't going to keep it, couldn't get much off it anyways.” Nori shrugged before smashing foreheads with Bilbo, “Call me Nori, it is a pleasure your majesty.”

“Majesty?” Bilbo squeaked out confused.

“Isn't that who you are?” The carrot topped boy asked, half hiding in his gray scarf around his neck. His fingers poking out of hand knitted fingerless gloves, one hand clenching the loveseat and the other holding tight to a book. His body wrapped in knits and softly woven cloth, the browns and gray contrasting against his red hair. Like Nori and the silver haired man, he had brown eyes, almost like a dog's.

“Oh, no, no.” Bilbo waved off the concerned dwarf, “I'm just a simple man, please call me Bilbo.”

“A simple man who is helping us reclaim our homeland,” The silver haired dwarf raised an eyebrow in question.

“My boy does have a point, Master Baggins,” Balin teased lightly.

“That's- oh dear, please just call me Bilbo, I'm nothing special!” Bilbo blushed as Nori leaned forward, scrutinizing him. The dwarf pulled back with a chestier glint in his eyes.

“Well, I like him.” Nori suddenly was elbowing him with a grin, before hiding behind the smaller man as Dwalin came forward, bucket of ice cream and all. “He's actually humble, not like those tree-shaggers.”

“Of course he is,” The carrot top dwarf huffed, “Master Baggins has been nothing but kind and humble. My name is Ori, Master Baggins.”

“Please call me Bilbo.”

“You have a very nice selection of books,” Ori beamed, “Have you read them all?”

“No, they were my father's, I haven't gotten through all of them yet,” He smiled at the shy dwarf. Ori was still hiding behind the gray scarf, but talking with much more confidence than the lad was showing. “You're welcome to look through them anytime you like.”

“Really,” Ori nearly jumped out of the couch, his face heating up before he ducked back down. The silver haired dwarf gave a small laugh before patting him on the head.

“Dori, we raised you better, introduce yourself.” Dwalin ordered as he chased after the laughing Nori, the spymaster dropping nicknack as he went. “Lad! I mean it, you're too old for this, and so am I.”

“Oh, yes, how rude of me,” The silver haired dwarf climbed out from behind the loveseat. Dusting himself off as he walked over, he flourished a bow before lightly smacking heads with Bilbo. “Dori, Royal Financial adviser, at your service, Bilbo.”

“Pleasure to meet you Dori.” Bilbo smiled, “And are you?”

Balin answered the half asked question with a smile, “Oh, yes, these three are my brother's and my boys. A little naughty at times, even when they should be fully grown.” He smiled from behind his parted beard, “Nori was a bit of a handful when he was growing up, had so much energy that lad did. He grew up to be a fine lad, despite Dwalin's grumbling, he's very proud of our little spymaster.”

“I'm NOT little, papa.” Nori yelled from the kitchen. Balin just chuckled.

“Dori has chosen to become an adviser like myself, he's make good progress in working his way up to becoming Head Royal Adviser.” Dori puffed up at Balin's praise, “And Ori, our youngest, is actually a budding scribe and one of the heads of the library.”

“Very impressive,” Bilbo was genuinely impressed, “I've only written a few books in my time, you all are making me feel like I haven't done anything.”

Ori took Bilbo's teasing seriously, “Oh, no, Bilbo! You're very important with your job, and you write! That must have taken years of experience to gain- and you're also taking us in and helping us! You're incredible! I would love to read some of your work, I mean, if that's is alright?”

“Of course, my boy! I was just heading upstairs to read myself, if all the groceries have been brought in?” His answer came in the form of Bifur nodding and the dwarf herding him to the stairs. Bifur only pausing to scoop up the blankets and furs, he let the dwarf push him along, Ori following shyly behind. Just like before, he was shoved into a lounge and swaddled with blankets and furs, “Bifur the book I want to read is in the kitchen. Am I allowed to go get it?”

Bifur shook his head violently before making some hand signs, Ori interpreted them with ease. “He asks; what does the book look like?”

“It's a green leather journal, it should be in the shelf next to the fridge.” He had put the book there last night, he had been too tired to bring upstairs with him. He watched as Bifur left, the dwarf waddling off with a determined glint in his eye. Sighing he leaned back as Ori began to browse the selection of books, hard cover to paper backs. The books lined the shelves were organized by author’s name, giving an official library feel to the cozy room.

The shelves were old and well used, their colors now a light brown compared to their once dark stained luster. Some books had been repaired many times, some hadn't left the shelves since they were bought. Each book was kept with love and care, as his father would have wanted it. The room was full of chairs and couches of all sizes. All of them homier than the last, his mother had picked them all out, their colors never matching. Just like the rugs, it was meant to make the room feel comfy and inviting, it was, but it was also colorful. 

Both Bilbo and Ori looked up as heavy footsteps made their way to them. Both had been expecting Bifur, only it was Thorin who entered the room. Ori turned red before squawking out the earth grinding language of the dwarves at the king. The scribes hands and arms moving around trying to gesture something, but Thorin cut the dwarf off with a wave of his hand. The scribe went silent and returned to his pile of books. Bilbo opened his mouth to tell the king how rude that was, when Thorin thrust the green journal into his face. 

“Is this what you needed?” The king's voice sounded like gravel as it echoed around the silent room.

“Yes, thank you.” Bilbo spoke curtly through pursed lips. Reaching for the book, he gently plucked it out of the king's hands, the leather feeling cool as it did the first time he held it. “I hope it wasn't much trou-”

He was cut off by Thorin pulling him into the king's front, he squeaked as he felt the king's fur coat be draped over them both. The fur not even close to the ones he had felt down stairs. Thorin rumbled something to the sputtering Ori before playing with his hair, the large finger combing through as if they had always done so. Grumbling under his breath, Bilbo reasoned that there was nothing he could do without upsetting the kings. Sighing he leaned back and wiggled around to get comfortable, opening his book gently and read the first line. The flipping of the pages joined with the quiet humming of a dwarven king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There has been a small change in the contest; instead of only having one winner I'm going to have three (or more). The each winner will have a choice between me doing a oneshot or fanart (I don't like my art, but if that's what you guys want then I shall gives it to you). If no one gets it I will give out another hint in the next chapter. (I have a weakness for riddles, even though I am really bad at them).  
> And as for the name of Dis's husband, it's Gunner, it won by a landslide.
> 
> Thank you for your time!


	8. In which Bungo is a little bit sassy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two people has got it.  
> Going to give the second hint out now:  
> Feedom is just a dream standing between you and me.  
> Precious is the word is my word for you, can't you see?  
> I won't let anyone come between us, we were meant to be.
> 
> Bilbo: o.o; y u do dis to me?

> _Greeting for the Ereborens is isn't as simple as it is in many Earth cultures; every gesture before the headbutt acts as a way of showing different meanings. The most common, and the one I have received the most, is the greeting a friends. You grasp the other's upper arms and then you smash foreheads. I was knocked unconscious the first time I was greeted this way._
> 
>  

Bilbo bit back a chuckle at the messy hand writing at the end of the sentence. His father had obviously didn't process what his mother had said til a few seconds after judging by the nasty smear. He shook his head as Thorin's breath tickled his scalp. His mother hadn't been kidding when she was saying it was complicated; the number of seconds of eye contact before headbutt shows the level of love and devotion; how firm one squeezes the upper arm of the other shows the amount of respect and loyalty. It was way more complicated than he ever thought it would be.

 

When Bifur rubbed his nose along his hand it was a promise of protection of family during war times. It was only giving to immediate family member, Bilbo had swallowed harshly when he read over that. Ereborens didn't trust easily, and to be considered family meant that Bifur trusted him with the dwarf's life. He didn't know what he did to invoke such trust in the other. Shaking his head he decided not to dwell on it.

 

> _The other least common greeting is one of close lovers, or was it close friends? Anyways, it is when two rub their noses together, their bodies must be chest to chest and their hands can not be touching the other. It is given in great trust, or so I have been told. Not knowing where the other's hands are is a great show of trust, especially considering that most Ereborens carry around at least a long knife. It isn't like an Eskimo kiss, it is a simple pass of one's nose. I have only seen it done once because mostly two people in this relationship don't leave each other's side._
> 
>  

Blushing a bright red, he took a chance to glance at Thorin out of the corner of his eye. The king was a sleep, cheek rested on the back of his right hand. He pressed his face closer to the journal, it was just his mother misunderstanding things, again. No, he thought with a bitter frown, he was over thinking things again. His job was to gain the dwarves' trust and diplomatically give them back their home, Thorin was just making sure he would do just that.

 

> _Ereborens, do not like or care for the concept of goodbye **.** It is something foreign to them, goodbye to them is as if saying that you are dead and you are heading off to the after life. One doesn't say farewell, and if they do it is forever. I one time made the mistake of saying goodbye and it was met with the stages of mourning. If one does say farewell, make sure to apologize for it right away, the sooner the better_.
> 
>  

Bilbo was brought out of his reading by Ori's squawk, the young dwarf making faces at his older brother. Nori just had a grin of an older sibling who's parents weren't around and poking at his brother. Suddenly the spymaster whispered something to his younger sibling, and Ori palled faster than bleached paper. The orange haired dwarf tiptoed his way over to the lounge, his face in what Dis would call a “shit eating grin”. Stopping only when he was but a few centimeters from Thorin's arm, he pulled at the fur. Giving an experimental tug, specifically where Bilbo was laying, his grin dropped faster than his body did. His whole body dropping to the floor to avoid the arm flinging out in a powerful arc.

 

Behind Bilbo, Thorin growled and snarled at an unseen foe, the dwarf king's muscles pushing out with unspent energy. Bilbo felt Thorin's head move as the king surveyed his surroundings, grunting Thorin embraced the smaller man on top of him. The arm that laid to the left of Bilbo slithered its way under the blankets to rest on the soft plush stomach, the right arm pulled the smaller man closer to the broad chest over the furs. Bilbo stiffened with a red face as Thorin grunted and returned to sleep, using soft curls as a pillow.

 

On the floor he could hear Nori laughing, the dwarf letting out snorts and chuckles at his expense. Ori was giving out modified squeaks, Bilbo just wanted to brain the snarky dwarf with a book, preferably the thickest and hardest he could find. Nori just shrugged at him, the dwarf sitting on the ground with a knowing glint in his eye. Huffing, he waved Nori off with a shooing motion, his tolerance spent from the embarrassment and stress of the past day. Nori just shrugged and pulled his brother out of the room, leaving the shorter man to his reading.

 

> _Now braids are very important, they show everything there is to know about a dwarf in one glance. I can't read them. I have, however, learned what a few of their meanings. Depending on the braids length, the number parts it has been parted into, the direction it is woven in, and where it separates or joins mean a lot. The number of braids in one's hair can mean status, age, or even mourning._
> 
>  
> 
> _Seven braids stemming from the neck up mean a coming of age, in honor of the first seven dwarves to ever live. One stemming from behind the left ear, divided up into six pallets, to the right is a meaning of a new mother. While a long braid, divided into three pallet, means of betrothal. Soon to be married couples will also exchange beads and braid said beads into their beloved's hair. I was lucky enough to witness such an act, it is done on the spot right after the proper words are exchanged. Any witnesses have a duty to help the couple with any issues, such as providing combs and the like._
> 
>  
> 
> _It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen, watching such a strong man, Rlolik; one of the first I ever befriended, become a shy sweetheart as a strong woman demanded his hand. Her name was Colinesh, a strong blacksmith, with the temperament of lightning. She was a sweet thing around Rlolik, trying to gain his favor, the poor guy didn't know what was going on til she had him up against a wall demanding his hand. He started squawking about not being worthy of her when it was time to braid in his own beads, she looked ready to brain him. It took me a while to figure out that she was a woman, oh, yes, female Ereborens have beards, not as thick as males, but still there. ~~She was quite pretty, a little too much on the muscular side for my taste, dear, are you writing this down? I know I said write everything that I say, but I didn't mean all-all of it!~~_

 

Bilbo bit his lip, his parents were a little silly when he was growing up, it had been something pleasant to be reminded of. His father could be just as mischievous as his mother, Bungo was just better at hiding it. His mother may have been the “fun one”, but his father was the smart one. His father had taught him many things before his untimely death. Bilbo had learned how to read people and situations, it was one of the things his father deemed the most important for being able to write believable characters. Speaking of characters he also had to call his editor, who was going to kill him.

 

Groaning Bilbo thumped his head against the solid chest behind him, he was rewarded with a grunt and a throbbing in his skull. Staying there he let out a sight, he didn't know what stopped him from throwing the dwarves out because things just kept getting more and more complicated. He knew it wasn't just manners, even if most of the dwarves lacked them. No, he knew it wasn't just because Gandalf left him with said dwarves without his permission either. He knew, deep down, he was lonely. He was so very lonely, in his large house, with only his three best friends. Sure he had some passed relationships, that ended miserably, but that still left him alone.

 

Sighing he didn't know how to react to the ruckus going on down stairs. The dwarves making a hearty fuss, their voices loud and a contagious smile made itself known on his lips. He missed the noise, or so he mused, he missed knowing people were coming and going like they pleased. His house full and warm like it was before his parents' deaths.

 

Thorin and him jolted as something was smashed on the hard floor. Thorin reaching for his weapon as he clutched the smaller man to him, his muscles taught, as he waited for an attack. After a few moments sleep wore off, he grumbled and relaxed his hold.

 

“You really are something,” Bilbo grumbled as he rubbed over his sore, and probably bruising, chest. He really needed to have a talk with the dwarves about how humans weren't made of metal.

 

“Something what?” Thorin grunted back, his hands joining in with Bilbo's. Running his hands over the smaller's chest, he rumbled out, “I hurt you.”

 

Bilbo tried to wave off the larger man's concern, “It's just a bruise.”

 

“It is not just anything.”

 

“It will go away in a few days, probably will be gone by tomorrow.”

 

Thorin didn't answer, the dwarf just leaned back. Bilbo let out a huff, “Thorin, you aren't the first person to bruise me. I'm fine.”

 

That did the complete opposite of calming down the dwarf, Thorin bolted forward his face twisted in a snarl, “Who has done ill to you, who?”

 

The growl reverberated through the room, Bilbo just stayed still as strong hands grabbed his shoulders and turned him to face the snarling king. Both were cut off by the sound of a low voice singing. Its tone childish and happy, as the unknown lyrics fill up Bilbo ears. Thorin is unamused by the sound, and his face twists farther into a frown as the two blonds from earlier skip into the room.

 

Only the blond with two dangling bearded braids was skipping, he is also the one singing. His blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, his furs wrapped around him in a vest and his sleeves long with thumb holes. His blue eyes glinted with mischief as he answered back Thorin growl, his thick boots close to Dwalin's in style making loud thumps with every step. His dark tunic and pants a hardy contrast to his silver and gold beads and ear cuffs.

 

The once singing blond skipped forward until he was just out of Thorin's reach. “Hello, Master Bilbo Baggins! My name is Frerin, I don't believe we haven't had a formal introduction.”

 

“No,” Bilbo blinked at the hyper blond, “No we haven't. Pleasure Master Frerin.”

 

Frerin made a tsking sound, yet again he brushed off Thorin's growling. “Don't be so dull, call me Frerin.”

 

“Alright, Frerin.” Bilbo gave the dwarf a small smile.

 

Frerin whined at the other blond, a high pitched sound. He stood off to the side hands in his large coat pockets, he rolled his eyes at the other. His heavy boots thumping just as Frerin's did as he made his way over, unlike Frerin he had on lighter clothes. His shirt and pants, from what Bilbo could see of each, was a light blue, a big difference in comparison to the dark black heavy coat that he wore. The coat's accented gold trimming, buttons, hand stitching, and stripes shined in the light as he offered Bilbo a small smile.

 

“Pleasure to meet you, I'm Gunner, don't mind my idiotic older brother's whining.” Gunner's smile turned down teasingly. Thorin simply snorted and leaned back, ignoring the two as they explored the study.

 

Bilbo ignored Frerin's childish whine, “Pleasure to meet you as well Gunner. If you don't mind me asking, you two are brothers?”

 

“Oh yes,” Frerin began.

 

“Fili and Kili are our younger brothers,” Gunner continued as he scanned over the shelves of books.

 

“And Thorin is our older brother.” Frerin tried to ruffle the king's hair. Only to get his hand slapped away, he yelped at the stinging sensation and Gunner just laughed at his expense.

 

Bilbo's face heated up, “That makes you all princes, oh dear-”

 

“Nothing to worry about, dear Bilbo!” Frerin sent a sly look to his older brother, “We don't really care for titles.”

 

“Alright, if you insist.”

 

“I don't really think that it would bother you too much, Thorin is KING after all.” Gunner shrugged his face switching between a bored mask and a mischievous grin. “Also, it's dinner.”

 

“Wait, what about lunch?”

 

“Master Baggins, you missed it! And Bombur caught an egg from across the table too.”

 

“But Nori missed his. Funniest thing ever, definitely the best contest yet!”

 

Bilbo watched the two as they hurried out with laughter. His face paling at he thought about what his kitchen may look like. Dropping his face into Thorin's chest, he moaned out in self pity. “Oh, my poor kitchen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more of Bilbo's past is brought up, and finally the two blonds are revealed!  
> Ok, actual story will be starting now, get ready for Ereboren history and educate lessons, more Belladonna sass and journals, a bit of romance, and some drama bombs!  
> As for the twist on the goodbyes, I noticed in the book that dwarves didn't really say farewell to a lot of people. The only time that they actually said-said farewell was after the five armies and it was Balin, who knew Bilbo wasn't going to come back. So this idea took root in me mind and here we are, with a misunderstanding waiting to happen. :D  
> As for the actual romance between Bilbo and Thorin will be a bit of a slow burn... BUT there, I promise, it will just be mostly filled with cuddles.  
> Thank you all for your time!


	9. Good nights are given and talks are set up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internet has been acting funny, uploading from a cafe. My computer also had a nasty virus that wiped out all my files, had this chapter done, but because of that I had to rewrite it. Sorry. Publishing for everyone who has been so patient. You all are beautiful people! UwU, Thank you all for reading.

 Bilbo couldn't help, but thin his lips as he looked over his kitchen. There, luckily, wasn't any permanent damage, just food, dirt, and mud everywhere. Bombur gave him a sheepish smile, the large dwarf doing his best to help the smaller man clean up. Bilbo offered him a small smile, “Thank you Bombur.”

 

“It's no trouble, Bilbo,” The ginger dwarf offered Bilbo a nod as they both cleaned off the counters.

 

“Can we eat now?” Nori almost whined in the east doorway. The dwarf leaned heavily on Dwalin, as the company watched Bombur and Bilbo clean up their mess.

 

“No,” Bilbo stated plainly.

 

“But, we're hungry.”

 

“That's too bad.”

 

Bombur held back a snicker at his friends' expense, as Bilbo mumbled under his breath in anger. Gloin and Oin barely held in their laughter as they gallivanted into the kitchen with proud strides, the brothers picking up a rag. Oin gently pushed Bilbo into a chair, “No need to worry, lad. We got this, you just take a breather.”

 

Bilbo could do nothing but nod and sip the tea that was thrusted into his hands by Dori, as the dwarf fluttered around trying to help. He just watched as the dwarfs slowly stepped up to help, he could have done without them throwing his plates around though.

 

~~\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------~~

 

Dinner had gone the same way as breakfast, but there was less food throwing since the dwarves knew that they would be cleaning up their own mess. Bilbo also discovered that Dis isn't the only one easily bribed by cookies, Dwalin was too. Baking cookies for Dis had been much easier with the large dwarf around to help him reach for things, but it was a war in itself trying to keep Dwalin from eating it all. Somehow he managed. Waiting for the cookies to finish baking, Dwalin watching them like a hawk, Bilbo wandered into the hallway with his phone.

 

His father had built the home with a phone on every floor, you could dial the others floors too. Each phone was located in the central hallway, easily accessible. Picking up the phone with shaking hands, he dialed one of the numbers he knew by heart. The line rang for a bit before a lazy voice answered the phone.

 

“Hello,” The line talked back to him.

 

“Hello, Mrs. Ruby,” Bilbo gulped out.

 

“Bilbo!” Ruby grinned on the other line, “Dear, come here its our favorite accountant.”

 

“Bilbo!” The female on the other line laughed, “What brings you calling our house at such a time?”

 

Bilbo fought back the cringe at the awful grammar, “Hello, Mrs. Anita.”

 

“Good to hear from you, but you no come in til Thrusday. Something wrong, friend?” Anita Sherbert asked with her heavy accent.

 

“Well, it's just I wont be able to come into work for a bit?”

 

“What?” Ruby Sherbert asked, her tone heavy with disappointment, “Bilbo, you can't-”

 

“We understand my friend!”

 

“Dear!”

 

Bilbo sat patiently against the wall, letting the married couple figure it out amongst themselves. While Anita didn't speak the greatest English at the best of at times, but she was a very kind soul. Not to say that her wife, Ruby wasn't kind, but the woman was a bit more cold to the problems of others. The two had met in school; Anita had came to work in custodial and Ruby was studying to be a journalist. It had taken a small crash with a mop bucket and the two had been smitten. At first there was a large amount of controversy because the two were a biracial couple, one being Asian and the other being of Color. Then, many had a problem with the two being of the same sex, and Bilbo had shaken his head at such comments. He stuck beside the two through the years, the two ended up being two of his closest friends when it counted and kept some of his dirtier secrets out of the public eye.

 

“Fine, how long do you need off?” Ruby huffed, a sound of a peck being given to her cheek on the other end of the line.

 

“For the foreseeable future?”

 

There was some words being thrown around on the other end for a bit before, “You owe us drink, friend!”

 

“Yes, yes I do,” Bilbo sighed, it had never been that easy. Never. He must have interrupted something, and judging by how fast the couple hung up on him he would say so. Chuckling he hung the tan phone back onto the receiver.

 

Making his way back to the kitchen he past Balin and Oin the two conversing in the deep language of rumbles. The older of the two smiled at Bilbo, Oin catching the smaller man's arm. “Lad, we have some news for you.”

 

“Seeing as you will be living with us and going to Erebor, we thought that it would be best for you to learn a bit about us.” Balin said with a kind smile, his thumbs stuffed in his jacket pockets.

 

“Aye, we'll be teaching you all about us,” Oin bumped foreheads with Bilbo gently, “And if you don't mind we would like to hear a bit about your kind as well.”

 

“That,” Bilbo paused with a small smile, “sounds lovely Mr. Oin and Balin.”

 

“Oi, why do I have to be this Mr.? I thought I told you to call me Oin,” Oin puffed up, insulted at the thought of having a title.

 

“Sorry Oin,” Bilbo smiled at the fuming dwarf. Oin ruffled his hair before the dwarf stomped off in mock anger. Balin following with a chuckle. Shaking his head in mock pity, Bilbo continued on with his journey to the kitchen.

 

Dwalin still crouched by the oven door, flicking the light on and off, checking to see if the cookies were done yet. The dwarf let out small grunts every time when the lights flicked on and off, hoping that the cookies were done yet. The dwarf continued to be disappointed. Bilbo shook his head, making his way over to his chair, he hummed a small tune along the way. It was a slow song, one of his parents' favorites, it helped the days go by when his life was slow. Looking around his kitchen, Bilbo realized that his life was going to be anything but slow and dull.

 

Sipping the tea that Dori had left out for him, Bilbo leaned back and relaxed. Dwalin was going to watch the cookies and keep them from being burned. He almost jumped out of the chair when he felt something staring at him. He couldn't have been sitting for more than a few minutes. Opening his eyes and pushing back against his chair, Bilbo nearly gasped at how close Thorin was.

 

The dwarf was leaning over the smaller man, his gaze piercing and hard. Ice blue eyes stuck in a glare, pointedly looking at the man's chest. His shoulders were stiff and squared, hands shaking as they griped the back of Bilbo's chair. The small voice calling him back from the dark ravine of his thoughts, made him look into multicolored green eyes.

 

“Thorin?” Bilbo breathed out in question.

 

Thorin leaned down slightly, slotting their foreheads together, his face serious and dark. “I hurt you.”

 

“You didn't mean to.”

 

“It doesn't matter!” Thorin snarled his shoulders shaking.

 

“Thorin,” Bilbo ignored Thorin snapping in rage, “I'm human, we're much... Softer than Dwarvers. We bruise easily and our skin is thin. Your people are much hardier than mine, you didn't mean to. It's fine, like I said; not the first time.”

 

Thorin didn't take the words as well as Bilbo was hoping. “You were- are hurt, something that is inexcusable. While your words may ring true, Dear Bilbo, but my behavior is unexceptionable.”

 

“Thorin...” Bilbo sighed, slotting his nose next to Thorin's, the dwarf freezing in surprise.

 

“But my actions-”

 

“You were only trying to protect me, right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then there is nothing to forgive.” Bilbo huffed and pulled back. He nearly laughed at the dwarf's wide eyes and gaping mouth. Thorin simply gave a stiff nod before hobbling off.

 

Words followed him as he left, “I will a wait in our chambers, good rest time.”

 

“Um, good night.” Bilbo stared at the door way for a bit longer, his thoughts revolving around the fact that Thorin had just said that they would be sharing a room. Blinking he pressed a hand to his forehead, but there were more than enough rooms for all the dwarves. Not even Dwalin's howling about hot pans brought Bilbo from his muddled mussing. Though Oin was worried about Bilbo's flushed face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so short, but I didn't remember what all I wrote down, just the main bits and plot. *Dies on the floor* I am sorry.  
> Thank you all for reading, contest is still open since I only have two winners if no one gets it after this chapter than the contest will be closed. All prizes will be awarded in time, I just have to re-do them... O.e (Internal screaming of rage right now)


	10. In Which Things are talked about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Angsty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Power outage kept me from writing, was very angry about that. I had a lot, a lot a lot, of ideas scampering through my head like vultures, but as soon as I get my power back and my computer is ready for me I HAVE NO INSPIRATION! Sorry for such a long delay, but I really couldn't do anything about the power outage, we were hit with two tornadoes, sucked the bulls, butnobodyy was hurt or died. Which is great news, a few friends had to put down some horses, and there was a lot of property damage, but everyone is more or less OK, which makes the world alright in my book.  
> Took a lot of listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to gain even some inspiration, I am deeply sorry about the quality of this chapter, it's crap and I have no excuses. I thank the songs Runaway, Heads Will Role, and Black Tongue for getting me through this. V.V

 “As you can see, lad, we live underground, almost like that strange footage of those large reptiles living in your planets core.” Balin nodded, keeping a keen eye on Bilbo. He was trying to go slow and give the him little pieces of information at a time, Bilbo could tell.

 

Bilbo stared at the hologram that was set up in his living room, the image shifting through the many natural tunnels that ran through Erebor's center and mountains. Each cavern with its own source of light provided by the fluorescent chemicals found in many rocks and crystals on the planet. The planet was made of a special type of rock, more akin to the strongest steel, or maybe diamonds. The planets surface was a desolate winter waste land, only small pockets of vegetation in sacred low valleys. The religious aspect wasn't thoroughly explained yet.

 

“That's from a movie, it's not really real.” Bilbo blinked slowly as he watched little holograms of Erebor's natural species. Many were hairy, had long claws, and sharp serrated teeth. Almost all were carnivorous, only two were herbivores. The beasts looked something akin to a science fiction horror movie, especially with their shark like jaws, long muzzles, and reptilian tails. It sent shivers of fear down his spine.

 

“Why would they show people that,” Oin huffed, his arms crossed at the grumbled under his breath. “Ori's all excited too, lad wanted to go down their and study the great beasts.”

 

Deciding not to watch as two creatures ripped each other apart, Bilbo began to explain. “It's for entertainment, it's not to be taken seriously. Though some do, like Dis, she loves action movies.”

 

“Action movies?”

 

“Uh, they're are movies about fake battle between two factions or more. Usually the ones labeled as “Good” win, they are usually violent and full of pointless explosions.” Bilbo shrugged.

 

“Not your taste, lad?” Balin asked as he shifted through his archives to find certain images and videos to show his student.

 

“I don't prefer the stories where everything is so... Black and White, morals aren't so vividly contrasted. I like something with more of a “gray”, everything is just perspective. What I may consider “right”, you both could consider “wrong”. It just depends on who you ask.” Bilbo shrugged, it was one of the biggest conflicts of his writings. Something his editor loved to take a hit at when he was running behind schedule.

 

“Too true,” Oin agreed, “Now, back on topic. The rocks you saw in our earlier, it's called Fruniga. It's the most common form of lighting we have, not rare by any standards, look like you have some here too.”

 

“Those actually aren't rocks, Oin.” Bilbo cut off the older man politely as he could. “They are electrical currents flowing through metal, it the glow and the gasses that the combination creates that give us light.”

 

“There has to be an easier way of doing things,” Balin politely deadpanned.

 

“Candles.” Bilbo suggested with as little cheek as he could muster.

 

Balin's and Oin's faces told him he failed.

 

 

 

> The more valuable the stone the more power, status, and respect dwarves have. Bio-luminescent stones, dear why are you writing rocks, especially electric blue ones are move valuable than most metals on Erebor. The only ones that are more valuable are metals that look like our own precious metals; gold, silver, and bronze. There is one that is the most valuable, mithril, is one that looks like white gold or a white star. It's very fascinating.

 

 

 

“Lad, you look a bit distracted,” Balin stated, watching as Bilbo gave him a weary apologetic smile.

 

“Sorry, Balin, just thinking of my mother.” Gave the two a sad smile. He had been reading the journal every night, in the same bed as Thorin. He was getting used to the dwarf's constant touching, he just figured it was just a dwarvish thing, like calling showers the devil. Apparently dwarves only took bathes, if Thorin's shouting and cursing had been any consolation. Bilbo had vowed to never leave the shower head on ever again.

 

“Thinking of family while they are gone is something we all do, lad.” Oin offered a knowing nod. Sharing a look with Balin the two went back into the lesson, Bilbo paying as much attention as he could. He really did try to pay attention, but something was so... Off.

 

Looking around, trying to keep the mini panic attack at bay as the hairs on his neck stood on end. Bilbo pulled his arms in closer to his body, his eyes flickering around the living room. He nearly screamed as something was thrown over him, his vision swam with the lack of light, the muscles in his eyes fighting to dilate. Flailing around he made it on to his back before he was swept of the couch, Balin's and Oin's voices fading out as he was carried away.

 

After what seemed close to forever and a day, Bilbo was thrown onto a soft plush bed, covers and pillows flying up around him as another body joined him. He nearly growled as he was pulled into an embrace like a child, head being cradled to someone's shoulder. With a cry he beat on the chest of his kidnapper, he was rewarded with graveled shuushing.

 

He was rescued by the specific voice of Bofur, the dwarf trying to speak calmly to the one holding him. He couldn't make out anything of the earth grinding language, but he could hear that both parties were getting more and more agitated. With a great gulp of air, Bilbo pushed away from his captor, Bifur's face peeked from behind the falling blankets and furs. The dwarf looked panicked and not with them, steel eyes looked around in crazed fear.

 

Before he could react he was pulled under Bifur, the dwarf forming into a protective meat barrier. The dwarf snarling and whining. Bofur sighed above them.

 

“Bilbo, I need you to relax.” Bofur called from across the guest room.

 

“How do you suggest I do that with a mad dwarf on top of me?” Bilbo called back, his voice dripping with snark.

 

“Don't let Thorin hear you say that.” Bofur gave a bubbled snort.

 

“What dose that have to do with anything?” Bilbo cried.

 

“Just try to relax.”

 

Bilbo huffed before he started to relax his muscles. His body slowly but surely relaxing as he tricked himself into thinking that it was a family member who had fallen asleep on top of him after a sleepover. It had worked after quite a few minutes, both him and Bifur relaxed. Looking over the purring dwarf's shoulder he caught sight of Balin and Oin, the two hoovering in the door way.

 

“I can't believe he had an attack,” Balin breathed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

“I know it's been ten years, but you know Dwalin still does the same thing!” Bofur shot back defensively. Balin growled something back calmly, Bilbo only registering Thorin's name. “One time is more than enough, and Bilbo's not hurt. Bifur just wanted to protect him.”

 

“Lad,” Oin started, “there is a difference between protecting and this.”

 

Bilbo felt his temper light up, he was sick of being left out of the lope half the time when it came to dwarves. He knew it wasn't intentional, but the group would have half conversations in English and their home language. They would always hint at things and never say what they mean. He was sick of it.

 

“Enough,” Bilbo half huffed, half shouted. “Will someone please tell me what just happened.”

 

“Well you see here Bilbo, Bifur has... accidents?” Bofur said with a weak smile.

 

Bifur growled something on top of Bilbo his grip tightening. Bofur quickly elaborated, “Alright, Bifur has flash backs, they are never this bad. You just somehow keep triggering something in side him, it makes him... swaddle you, you could say.”

 

“I do say,” Bilbo mumbled as he petted Bifur's back.

 

“He has as your kind call PTSD,” Oin stated as he waddled forward to look over the two, “He lost his whole family in an attack on one of our ports, the how colony was killed. Bifur was the only survivor, we found him two years later after the attack, held hostage on an enemy ship. No body really knows what he saw or what happened, but his family's bodies were one of the only ones not eaten or burned.”

 

“The bodies were hung and strung up like a banner in front of their home, heads piked on the front door.” Oin paused as he examined Bifur's eyes, the other dwarf making a high pitched whining sound. “Bifur's wife and child were raped and murdered before his eyes, their organs pushed out like some sort of streamers. I hold no blame over Bifur for acting as he does, any less of a man would have killed themselves before moving on as far as Bifur has.”

 

“What,” Bilbo swallowed, his tongue dried and swollen in his mouth as he pictured the incident in vivid detail. “What about me causes Bifur to have flash backs?”

 

“You look like them.” Bofur whispered. He scrubbed a hand over his face, he avoided Bilbo questioning gaze.

 

“That you do, laddie. You are a spitting image of his wife and daughter” Balin cooed as he pulled Bilbo into his arms. “It's not your fault, Bifur wants to protect you, he thinks things are going to happen to you all the time.”

* * *

 

“What is wrong?” Thorin asked his face pulled into a heavy frown.

 

“Nothing,” Bilbo turned away from the dwarf's questioning gaze. He buried his face into his pillow, his wet hair causing damp spots as he went over the day's events. He was a reminder to one of his guests, and becoming close friends, of his raped and murdered family. It was like a sucker punch to his gut, just like when his mother couldn't look at him for months.

 

“It's not nothing, tell me.” Thorin growled, his arms circling the smaller being. He ignored the squeak as he drew the smaller man to his chest.

 

“I- Bifur.” Bilbo nearly sobbed. He hid his face in Thorin's night shirt, he was so sick of dwarves today. “Go away Thorin.”

 

Thorin ignored the chocked cry. “No.”

 

“Thorin, stop it.” Bilbo tried to push the larger man away.

 

“No!” Thorin roared. His face only softening when Bilbo's face twisted in fear. Whispering into the leafy ear, he soothed his tone. “No, I will not stop till you tell me what is wrong.”

 

Bilbo whispered his thoughts and sadness to the dwarf as he was cradled in strong arms. Tears streaming silently down his face as he voiced his fears and concerns about what was out there in the universe, his odd friendship with Bifur. He was afraid, so very afraid of what lay beyond his sight in the far off reaches of space. He loathed himself for what he was doing to Bifur, unintentional or not.

 

Thorin simply laid still and listened, after Bilbo was done he began to speak. “You miss took Bofur's and Balin's words as blame, they were words of pride and joy. To Bifur you are a second chance, to make up for what he failed.”

 

Bilbo calmed down slightly after hearing that. He voiced out a pathetic, “Really?”

 

“Yes, and nothing will hurt you. I will let no being lay a hand, claw, or limb upon you. I will die before that happens.”

 

That night Bilbo fell asleep in the arms of a king, the feeling of safety enveloping him. The soft growl of a dwarf with an ax in his head went unnoticed as lips brushed the small earthling's forehead with a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry yet again this took forever, but here have this
> 
>  [Apology](http://archiveofourown.org/works/931077)
> 
> It's a ling to a few little doodles I made revolving around this verse.  
> Yeah, so one of my friends was hit super hard during the tornado, her house farm/ranch was destroyed. I have been pretty busy helping her and her family picking up and providing meals that aren't cookies and brownies.  
> Thank you for your patients!  
> Oh, yes, before I forget. There is going to be a slight change in the pace of the story because of “Dwarves going to be spending like a year on earth with Bilbo”. Just 'cause I want to have fun writing how dwarves will interpret Earth holidays and fluff.


	11. In Which Dis is done with ALL the dwarven shit, or so she thinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Muses have been wishy washy lately, I think that's just because school is starting :(, I will miss all of you when my life slowly starts to suck and I will update so very slowly. ;^; I will be updating more once I am done at my second job, but I will still be really, really busy.

Bilbo sighed, he was getting used to the dwarves living in his home. Dis wasn't having the same adjustment in her life. Which is why Bilbo was out side of his home in his sleepwear with a dwarf snarling over his head. It was eight in the morning, a time which Dis loathed the time of day, which is what might have lead her to knocking Gloin and Bofur out with her wok.

Thorin was standing over Bilbo, snarling his language at the crazed woman before him. His arms wrapped around the smaller man like steel bands with his teeth bared. He was more rumpled than Bilbo was, as was normal for the softer man to be up at such an hour. Thorin had flung himself out of bed when he was awoken by Dis's battle cries, as could be shown by the pillow creases on his face and his bed head.

Bilbo had simply been reading the paper, enjoying a nice conversation with Balin and Dwalin about Earth cookies. The three of them were surprised to hear a large ruckus going on outside. Dwalin had snarled before running outside, while Bilbo and Balin did the logical thing and looked out the window. Dis was having a heated argument with Dwalin, Gloin and Bofur knocked out at her feet. Bilbo and Balin followed after the larger dwarf out the door. At such time Bilbo was suddenly caged by a snarling Thorin.

Dis had taken Thorin's and Dwalin's snarling like any rational person would, defensively. As she took the winning swing at Dwalin, the rest of Thorin's company and family made their way outside to see what all the ruckus was about. They were met with Dis knocking Dwalin out with a mad swing to his temple. Many mouths flopped open as Dwalin crumpled to the ground, Bilbo pinched the bridge of his nose in sleep deprived anger.

Before Bilbo could wrench himself out of Thorin's iron hold to confront his friend, Gunner suddenly shot forward towards the angry Earth Woman. Before Bilbo could shout a warning to his friend Gunner took the wok to his forehead. The whole company was silent as they watched the dwarf slowly stagger to his feet. The young prince puffed out his chest with a serious face and widened his stance.

“I wish to invoke the right to court you.” Gunner spoke with conviction. 

Dis slowly lowered the wok, her face showing just how confused Bilbo and her were. “What?”

“I wish to court you.”

Balin shook his head in the corner of Bilbo's eye, Bilbo thinned his own lips before speaking. “Excuse me, but why?”

Gunner looked a mix between confused and angry as he focused on the smaller man caged in his older brother's arms. With a small amount of blood running down his face he gave Bilbo a stern but respectful look. “What to you mean why? She is the most beautiful thing in the universe. She is a strong warrior, she smells of sweet floral, and she has the best taste in jewelry I have ever seen. Who ever would pass up such a fine being is a fool.”

Bilbo gave a whispered, “Oh, dear,” as he waited for Dis to react. Dis had always been the one to initiate a relationship, she had never felt comfortable on the receiving end of anyone's affection. Bilbo watched as her face slowly heated up with a mixture of shy modesty and jumbled angry emotions.

With a step forward Dis brought her, now dented, wok down to her side. Pushing a finger into the prince's chest she gave a hiss of rage. “Don't you dare try to sweet talk me! I don't know what game you are playing, but you aliens aren't fooling me.”

Nori gave a small chuckle off to the side as Gunner gave a confused gargle, “Game, I'm not playing any game. I made my intentions clear, I wish for your hand.”

“Sure you do!” Dis gave a growl of sarcasm. “Because your own left or right hand isn't good enough.”

Bilbo choked slightly at his best friend's vulgar words. Dis snorted at that, “Oh, please Bilbo. We are grown adults.”

“What does this have to do with my right or left hand?” Gunner stared at his gloved hands in confusion.

Dis gave a snort before pointing a threatening finger at Bilbo, “Keep your pets out of my home.”

Bilbo watched his friend go with a confused frown, “What did she mean by that?”

Bombur wandered over slowly, his posture very shy as he fiddled with his fingers. “Bofur and Gloin went to check on your guard when we hadn't seen her in a few days,” Bombur trailed off slightly. “It's just that we didn't know if your kind followed the same mannerisms as us. We didn't know if it was normal for friends to stay away for so long or not, and Bofur was worried that something might have happened.”

“So you went into her home?” Bilbo asked slowly.

“Yes?” Bombur flinched at the sigh Bilbo gave. He looked down at his feet in shame and pulled more fiercely on his gloves.

“We didn't mean to cause any problems,” Throin grunted from a top Bilbo's curls.

Bilbo tried to struggle out of the king's hold, “You could have asked.”

Balin stepped forward to defuse the situation. With hands raised in surrender he placated the angry Earthling with a soothing tone. “It's not that we didn't trust you or your guard, Bilbo, it was that we were worried about stressing you or causing a pointless crises. We have gathered much about your kind from observing your viewing box. Your people are very fragile in comparison to our kind, we didn't want to cause unnecessary trouble to you.”

Bilbo stopped struggling so hard in Thorin's hold, but his face was still hard with disappointment. “You didn't have to go behind my back, I would have understood. We aren't that soft.”

“Lad, I would have to disagree.” Oin started as he leaned over the fallen three. His hands working to check for any lasting damage as he continued to speak. “I'm sure you remember the fall that Gloin had, down those stairs. Had it been you, you might have broken a few bones and received a bad amount of brain damage. We have every right to be concerned.”

“We shouldn't have gone behind your back, but we were really worried about you.” Ori trailed off as Dori and Nori tried to silence their brother with stern looks.

“Fine,” Bilbo conceded with a huff, “But, you all owe Dis an apology. A large apology, we don't take kindly to people violating our privacy.”

“Is that why you were so upset about Gandalf?” Frerin asked with an innocent look of contemplation. 

Bilbo took a deep breath through his nose, “Close enough.”

Thorin seemed to pick up on Bilbo's grumble because he began to run his nose soothingly through the smaller man's curls. “We will apologize when you bring over her sweet disks later.”

With that the group went inside to either go back to sleep or to start their morning routine. Bilbo waited for Gunner to come back in, but the younger dwarf was still standing in the front yard with a determined face. Choosing to ignore it, and the dwarf hovering over him, he went to check on Bifur. The dwarf had been oddly complacent during the exchange.

Bilbo found the dwarf rocking back and forth in his guest room shower. Bifur made whining sounds as his face buried into his knees. He jerked up with a hiss as Bilbo pulled back the shower curtains slightly. The dwarf only watched the smaller man for a second, before he tackled the younger man on to the floor. His face finding comfort in Bilbo's soft stomach as he made growls and grunts.

“Today really is one of those days, isn't it?” Bilbo asked as he petted the dwarf's hair, purposely ignoring the king behind him. Bifur just growled back in the earthy tongue of his. “Yes, today is going to be a very hard day to get through, but you know what always makes me feel better?”

The dwarf didn't look up at him, but Bilbo continued on. “I really enjoy a lovely cup of hot chocolate with a bit of scotch. I know it's a little early to be drinking, but as the phrase goes; it's five o'clock somewhere.”

Thorin gave a small snort behind him before helping Bilbo lead the disgruntled dwarf down the stair to the kitchen. The two dwarves watched in silence as Bilbo glided around the kitchen, avoiding Bombur and the three nursing their aching heads. After a few moments of waiting for the milk to boil and the chocolate to melt, the right amount of scotch was added to each cup. The scent wafting through the room, Bifur gave an appreciated rumble as Bilbo set down the colorful mugs.

Bilbo watched as the two dwarves picked up the striped mugs with curiosity before taking a small sip. Bifur nearly threw back the whole mug, his hands engulfing the dishware as he drank like a starved man. Thorin was much more refined, his eyes widened before he set the mug down on the table slowly. Leaning forward he nuzzled into the side of Bilbo head with a kind sigh.

“Thank you,” Thorin grumbled out tightly with many emotions. Bilbo just turned away slightly as the king dragged him closer. The three enjoyed their drinks in peace, watching as Bombur hummed as he made his favorite earth dish, pancakes. 

Gunner burst into the room, stealing the attention of its occupants and the calming air. With staggered breath he breathed out his question with a serious face. “Was she saying that I masturbate, or was she implying that I wanted a one night stand?”

Bilbo choked on his spiked hot chocolate as Thorin deadpanned at his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are going to be shorter now, because of pacing.  
> Gunner, you are my favorite to abuse right now.   
> Thank you for reading.  
> Also I do not support violence, I actually really dislike it, but for the sake of Dis's character she will be a bit... abrasive.


	12. The history of awkward courtings brought to you by Dori and Gloin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really badly wanted a chapter that focused on dwarves that aren't as popular as some. They are some of my favorites in the company but I feel like they aren't in enough fanfics or arts. And lets face it the company wouldn't be the same if any dwarf was to go missing, it would just be so very wrong. Like putting the left shoe in your right foot wrong. So the next few chapters will focus on Bilbo's interactions with one or two dwarves at a time because it's trust building time!  
> Naran Belongs to Madame_Xela I feel in love with it on accident and now I can't stop. DORI/NARAN FOR LIFE!  
> I didn't chose the ship life, the ship life chose me.

> Marriage is very sacred to dwarves. There are few stronger bonds, the only thing that can separate them is death. Infidelity is one of the largest taboos in their culture. Cheating on one's spouse is punishable by death and those who were involved with the cheating spouse is ostracized from society. There are NO exceptions. And as brutal as it sounds, it's a public execution.

 

“That's an odd book you have there.” Gloin asked, his head cocked to the side as he drawled out the word book in confusion. The dwarf sat in one of Bilbo's many kitchen chairs with the back between his thighs. He had claimed the chair as his own and had drug it over the whole house by now. Dori and Bilbo had hissed at the scuff marks when Gloin was too lazy to pick the chair up.

 

“It's a personal journal of my mother's.” Bilbo replied nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders. The dwarves had been more than a little curious about his mother's journal, but he knew that the dwarves would feel betrayed if they knew just WHAT was written in the pressed pages.

 

Dori threw a nicley folded up napkin at Gloin's head with a gruff bark of the dwarves's tongue. The dwarf was sitting back in one of Bilbo's chairs, its plush cushions and subdued gray patterns matched the dark haired dwarf well. He gave the red headed dwarf a threatening glare, one that was usually aimed at Nori, until Gloin leaned out of Bilbo's personal space. Gloin nearly huffed before setting a hand over Bilbo's head in retaliation.

 

“What's it about?” Gloin asked as he squinted, his mouth set in a tight line as he tried to read the neat tiny words over the arm of the couch. His beard brushing over the pillow that Bilbo was leaning against as the smaller man read on the plush furniture.

 

Not missing a beat, Bilbo felt his face heat up as he told a half truth, “Marriage.”

 

Gloin didn't pay attention to Bilbo's hurried tone, his eye lit up with pride and joy. His face stretched into a wide grin, his sharp teeth glistening in the low lighting. “Have I told you about my wife and son?” He asked with an excited tone of voice, his knee bouncing as his hands gripped the back of the chair tightly.

 

“You have a wife?” Bilbo blinked slowly. Dori gave a small snort as he focused on the birds outside the window.

 

Gloin only nodded enthusiastically, “And a son, his name is Gimli, takes after his mother in so many ways. I don't think I've ever been prouder than when he cute his first gem. He was only twelve at the time, a young age for such a thing. Not that Hilda, my wife, minded. Being the guild master she nearly destroyed part of the guild when someone said that Gimli should be banded from the guild. That poor novice didn't even have time to move his work of the table when she started cutting his work with the ax I gave her.”

 

“You gave your wife an ax?”

 

“Sure did, it was my first courting gift to her. Made it myself, spent hours sharpening it and finding the right gems.” Gloin gave a dreamy smile, “Definitely worth the effort.”

 

“I take it she liked it then,” Bilbo tilted his head back to watch the dwarf as Gloin leaned partially over him.

 

“No, she hated it infact, threw it right back at my head.” Gloin moved a few braids out of the way of his ear. “Lobbed off my cuff and a bit of me ear.”

 

“Very romantic, Gloin.” Dori snorted into his tea.

 

Gloin only grinned before shoving a finger playfully back at the royal financial advisory. “Because challenging your brother to a bar fight over you family's honor is better?”

 

“I can't believe he told you that,” Dori grumbled into his tea as his face heated up to a bright red.

 

“I can't believe he bested me in a drinking match, and then Dwalin.” Gloin said with a perplexed face that boarded on angry. “I didn't think a bartender could drink that much.”

 

“Are you married as well, Dori?” Bilbo asked with a found smile on his face.

 

Dori heasitated for just a second before nodding, “Yes, I met Naran at a bar trying to find my brother. Nori had started his budding career as a thief, I knew the only way to find him was to find the seediest bar I could find. Papa and Adad didn't know about Nori's life calling at the time, I wanted to drag him back home before he got into any trouble.”

 

“So...” Bilbo drawled out slowly as he began to wrap his brain around the idea. “Your husband is a spymaster like Nori.”

 

“Oh Mahal, no!” Dori gave a cry of distress as he placed a hand over his heart. The dwarf gave Bilbo a scandalized look, Gloin giving out a sharp bark of laughter. “No, Naran was the bartender who helped me find Nori. He came back a few moments later to find me trying to get Nori to come home without the means of force. He thought Nori had encroached on my family's honor and challenged him to a duel. I threw him out a window.”

 

“At least mine kissed me senseless afterwards,” Gloin teased with a grin. “She had actually been courting someone else, I- well I had known she was my one when I first saw her when we were 15. She was happy with another however, so I simply congratulated her and turned her happiness into my own. She was happy and in the process of courting a young blacksmith, I took what little comfort I could in her smiles aimed at him.”

 

Gloin paused with a broad smile when he caught Bilbo's frown. “I know, lad, I felt the same way, but I focused on what was good. I didn't dwell on the sadness or the fact how she didn't see me as a potential lover. I was just happy to hear her laugh, and that was good enough for me.

 

It wasn't until the two had a mutual brake off of the courtship that things changed. When it happened I had no idea on how it came to be; one solar cycle she was telling me about how they just agree that their courtship wasn't going in the direction they wanted and it was best for them to go their separate ways. The next she had me cornered at work casually saying that we should court.” Gloin ruffled his beard slightly, “Naturally, I said yes, and the next time we met in public she nearly cracked my skull open in demands for a proper courting.”

 

Dori laughed along with Gloin, Bilbo smiled as he could picture it in his head as a faceless dwarf knocked Gloin off his feet with a declaration of love. Soon Bilbo was soon using his parents' journal to hide his red face from his own laughter.

 

“Naran,” Dorin made a sigh as he tried to get back his air. “He showed up to our wing the next day accompanied by guards with an apology to Nori and me. He would have stayed for tea, but he had work that night.”

 

Dori shook his head at the memory, “The next time I saw him was when I was sent to drag Nori home, again. He met me at the door with a kind and understanding smile as I fumed at Nori's foolish behavior. He calmed me down and then let me drag Nori out by his ear.”

 

“How did he,” Bilbo thought of a way to say it differently, but he couldn't form any other word for it, “Propose?”

 

“Propose?” Both Dori and Gloin asked with a raised brow.

 

“For your courting,” Bilbo elaborated as the journal rested across his chest. He played with the sleeve of his black sweater for a moment, waiting for Dori to answer his question.

 

The dwarves were equally appalled as they were fascinated by Earth's fashion. They had mixed reactions over Korea's bright but business styled clothes, and South America's bright pattens. Northern Europe's love for furs was met well, but swimsuits weren't. They most defiantly didn't understand the lack of armor.

 

Dori flushed again, playing with his own Ereborean dress. “He didn't actually, Ori sort of roped him into being part of the family.” Dori suddenly straitened out his back in pride, “He is kinder, more loyal, fiercer and has a better beard than most of the other court members who have tried to propose to me.”

 

Bilbo broke into a smile at Dori's growl of loyalty. It was obvious that many were upset over Dori's choice of spouse because of his status.

 

> Dwarves don't have such a thing as adoption. It doesn't matter if one isn't related by blood, their family. Dwarves care more for the blood shed in battle looking after a brother in arms than they do with the blood connecting a mother to a child. All children a precious to dwarves. The only time blood relations matter is in the matter of royal succession to the throne. Many families are actually made out of brothers and sisters in arms, rather than blood relations. There is an emphisis on blood relationships though. As Youin told me; “Family of choice is just as good as family of blood, and family of blood is just as good as family of choice.”

 

Watching Gloin tease Dori like one would a younger cousin, Bilbo couldn't help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I warned chapters just got shorter. I just love all the dwarves, all of dem is me babies. I think I might do Dwalin and Bombur next, or Gunner and Nori.


	13. In which there are moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a chapter about Bilbo bonding with the two troublemakers Nori and Frerin. Instead Thorin happened.

 Bilbo covered his mouth with his hand as he watched Nori and Frerin as they painted on Gloin's and Dwalin's faces with what looked to be food condiments. The two shared a chuckle as they drew on a few new sets of eyes on Dwalin's face, with hot sauce. It was amusing as it was disgusting. Bilbo blanched at the waste of his condiments.

 

“That's my jam,” Bilbo mourned into his hands. Not just his homemade jam that was given to him as a present by his Grandfather Gerontius, but his Northern BBQ and his authentic Soy sauce. It was a waste of food, but he didn't have the heart to stop the two.

 

Frerin and Nori had been under watch for the past week. Dwalin and Thorin hadn't taken the two's teasing very well. Nor had Dis taken the two's apology better ether. Really the two troublemakers aught to know better than to try to nail Dis's furniture to her ceiling. It appears that common sense isn't common on any planet.

 

Shaking his head, Bilbo knew that the two would get in trouble when the older warriors woke up, he headed upstairs to do some writing. He didn't know what it was, but he was getting farther in his story than he had in the longest time. It was like rediscovering his first book all over again, each character being discovered like a child discovering their place in the world. Each story being lived like everyday life with its twists and turns. Yes, writing sounds like a good idea, Bilbo thought with a small smile as he fixed the collar of his jumper.

 

He made his way up to his room, taking the stairs with a spring in his step and a song under his breath. The earth shattering snores from Gloin were becoming a normal occurrence in his house, it turns out that dwarves liked to take naps. They balanced it out with only sleeping a few hours during the night. They found it strange that he slept for eight hours at a time and had three meals a day with snacks. Dwarves only had two meals a day with a mid day snack.

 

Shaking his head at the sleeping king on his bed, Bilbo tiptoed around to find his laptop in the corner chair. The only place that was quiet enough to write anymore was his room. The only problem with that was that Thorin also liked to bother him when he wanted to write.

 

With practiced hands Bilbo set up a cushion so that he could write on the bed. Squirming around to get comfortable, he flipped open the computer and waited for it to wake up. The little whirling of the fans was the only sound in the room as Thorin turned over with a frown. Bilbo stilled in typing in his password at the motion, his eyes focused on the dwarven king. With a silent prayer, he continued in typing in “Sherlocked”, after his favorite series of mystery novels.

 

With a quirk in his lips he open up his document, his fingers dancing over the keyboard as ideas sprang from his mind for Arthur's conversation with Ford. His editor agreed that he should use a pen name, it was a great way to write down things that would normally be too much for him. He did always love the name Douglas and Adams, so he just combined them.

 

The little clacking of the keys was interrupted by a hairy arm being slung over his middle. Bilbo gave a shrill cry as Thorin grumbled into his hip. The dwarf just tightened his grip in retaliation to Bilbo's squirming.

 

“Stop that,” Thorin growled, his nose digging into Bilbo's hipbone. His voice gargled from sleep, his eyes rejecting the light from the overhead fan. The beard scratching on the coarse fabric of the dress slacks. He was dressed in his undershirt, armored vest, and pants. Knowing better than to wear his boots on the bed, he left the thick armored plated footwear by end of the bed.

 

Bilbo huffed as he pushed against the king's tussled hair off of his thigh with a flip of his wrist, “I'm not doing anything.”

 

“Your contraption is being a nuisance. Silence it.” Thorin grunted as he poked at the slim object on Bilbo's lap. “It keeps making noise and the _clacking_. It's outrages.”

 

“It's the computer Thorin, I can't stop it from making noise,” Bilbo poked back at the dwarf. “I also can't stop because you find it annoying, it's my job to write.”

 

“Can't you use something quieter,” Thorin gritted out.

 

“No.” Bilbo answered simply before turning back to his computer. Closing the lid delicately, he hulled the sleek electronic device under his arm to storm off. Only his dramatic stomping was ruined by Thorin's heavy steps following after him.

 

Muttering under his breath Bilbo made his way to the library, passing by Dori and Oin without answering their questioning looks. He nodded to Ori, Fili, and Kili as the three read in the far corner of the library. Fili and Kili piled onto Ori's lap as the dwarf whispered a tale to the two with brotherly love. It would have been much more heartwarming if it wasn't for Thorin breathing down his neck.

 

Ungracefully flopping down on the lounge with an undignified huff, Bilbo opened back up his laptop. The fans once again coming back to full force, like the leafs in Spring. The demand for his password coming up with a well known chime, nimble fingers complied with its demands. Soon the clicking of keys filled up the new room with little ease. Bilbo was no longer channeling his creativity, he was just typing out randoms syllable til his inspiration came back.

 

Bilbo didn't spare Thorin a glance as he sat down with a heavy thump next to the disgruntled Earthling. His hand clasped before him with his elbows rested on his knees. With his mouth set in a grim line he focused on the books lining the shelves in his line of sight. After a few minutes of the clacking and clicking filling the room, Thorin leaned over to the left, his shoulder melding with Bilbo's.

 

“It's not that annoying.”

 

Blinking, Bilbo turned his attention back to the dwarf beside him. He soon felt the king's head rest on his own with the delay of his reply. Rubbing the space bar with his thumbs he looked down slightly. “Pardon me?”

 

“We should go back to our chambers.” Thorin mumbled into Bilbo's temple. His eyes closed as he took a deep breath from his nose, breathing in pure Bilbo.

 

“Even with my annoying clacking?” Bilbo snarked back with a fake high tone.

 

“Yes.”

 

Bilbo simply sighed at the response mumbled into his hair. With an exaggerated huff he packed up his computer, again. “I'm going to have to eat more to keep up with you dwarves.”

 

Bilbo jokingly pinched his sides, “Maybe it will be good for me to lose some fat.”

 

Thorin gently slapped the offending hand away, the dwarf moved to quickly swoop Bilbo of his feet. The Earthling shrieked, cradling his laptop to his chest as he flopped his jaw up at Thorin in surprise.

 

“You aren't fat,” Thorin angerly snarled. “I will show whoever says so why I am the champion of Noting.”

 

Widening his eyes as Thorin's blatant declaration of care, Bilbo simply snorted before turning into Thorin's chest. His shoulders shook with mirth as he gasped for air. His laughter didn't die down even when Thorin placed him one the bed, he simply continued to snort and giggle at the prospect of Thorin chasing around some nasty cousins.

 

“What?” Thorin glared at the wall voice raising with every shake of his shoulders, “What do you find funny about my words? Do you doubt my honor and word?”

  

“No, no,” Bilbo gasped as he patted Thorin's arm. “I just- I just thought of you chasing around my cousins who like to call me tubby, and such.”

 

Thorin only watched as Bilbo trailed off, the king's face slowly turning murderous with time. The serrated teeth shined through the dwarf's snarl, his fist clenching at his sides. Shouting out words in his native tongue with a battle cry, Thorin stormed over to his blades siting in his corner of the room. The large sword and knifes resting close to Thorin's side of the bed. Snarling Thorin strapped on his blades with angry grunts.

 

“Thorin?” Bilbo questioned with wide eyes.

 

“I will return by dawn with their heads.” Thorin promised from the doorway, his shoulders set in a determined line.

 

“Thorin!”

 

Thorin paused with a childish face, “What?”

 

“You can't kill my family.” Bilbo sighed as he gestured for the king to return to his side. Thorin complied with a harsh grunt. The bed dipping with the kings weight as the king unceremoniously slumped onto the mattress. His jaw still set in an sharp line of blood vessel and muscles clenched in anger.

 

Leaning up against the dwarf with a sly smile, Bilbo gave a teasing grin. His voice light as he continued. “You can how ever, scare them half to death when they come to visit.”

 

Thorin's mouth twitched at the corner at the prospect. “That sounds reasonable.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own none of the references that are mentioned, just saying.  
> Thank you for your time dearies!
> 
> (have I meantioned how awesome you guys are because you guys are the greatest. seriously, the best, love you all!)

**Author's Note:**

> I'll just leave this here, let me know what you thing, please?  
> And thank you for your time!


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